Shut Up

I've been one of those obnoxious cheerful morning persons all my life. I can't help it. I try to tone it down around others, but I love being up in the early morning to help the sun rise and get started on all the wonderful potential happenings the day promises to bring forth.

But not today. Today I wake at 4:17am just before the bird cacophony begins. I know it's coming. I usually find joy in listening to the various songs weaving together in one grand symphony. Today I want to strangle the warbler who begins, that horrible early morning rooster songbird whose rich chirruping wakes the others.

She is joined in moments by the clacking disapproval of a jay and for one brief moment I am hopeful that he will convince her to shut up. Too soon they are both drowned in so many different melodies and timbres that it is as if all the treetops have St Vitus disease and are wobbling and vibrating at uncontrollable unpredictable frenzied rates.

Go away! Leave me alone! I pull the pillow around my ears. It doesn't help. How is it I ever thought this was so wonderful? I am beginning to understand the dour faces of my kids who resist mornings with all their might. What is wrong with me? Oh, yes. Five days of prednisone. My emotions are way out of whack. Yesterday I sat in the chair and cried crocodile tears over absolutely nothing. Gack. How distasteful.

I am swinging farther along the continuum than last time. I am experiencing sudden inexplicable bruising - huge purple marks where no injury has occurred. My tastebuds have all died and I can taste neither salty nor sweet, sour nor spicy. All food is bland. OK enough kavetching. Let's focus on what is pleasant and good.

I love the sound of rain swooshing outside my window and being warm and cozy inside - and it has rained a lot lately. I love the green green leaves on the trees outside my window especially when they sway in a gentle breeze. I love standing outside when the sun breaks through the rain, feeling the warmth on my naked head. I love the softness of Sugar's fluffy coat when she snuggles up in the chair with me.

I am grateful that I can get about on my own, that I have wonderful friends who take good care of me, that people have brought me such delicious meals and sent cheerful cards and mailed me care packages with great surprises inside! I am happy to see pictures of my grandchildren playing and being happy and to have access to uplifting books that I can actually read on my own without help. I have a marvelous job where people are truly understanding and cut me a great deal of slack. I have great doctors who provide excellent care, good insurance, medicine to deal with all the problems, and I have HATS! Tons of beautiful hats to cover my extraordinary wig that makes me look twenty years younger. I have a piano in my apartment and can make music when I want to, and I have an iPod loaded with music to lift my soul. I have so much more than most of the rest of the world. I am not dealing with the consequences of some natural disaster nor unemployment. My kitchen and bathroom are clean and organized. I have lots of clean towels and a sparkling shower with all the hot water I could want. My toilet is inside and flushes! I have a closet full of clothes for all seasons and occasions. I have pretty scarves and comfy socks and what else could I possibly want!!!

No, no. It is not the birds I am yelling "Shut Up" to this morning. I am telling all those negative thoughts on which I inadvertently focused for a moment to be quiet. I am extraordinarily blessed and I choose to hold on to the good things and know that better days are ahead. And indeed, they are!