Saying GoodBye

Kiel had only been home a few short days. Now I was taking him to the train station to send him back to his world of dorm rooms, soccer training, late night gab fests. Somewhere in there they sneak a few classes and a paper assignment, but only a touch. Can't interfere with the real work of college - that of growing up!

I looked at my son, towering above me, smiling. It had been a good weekend. In fact, it was shaping up to be a good year. Both boys have been able to put behind them the disasters of the last few years created by their Mom's life meltdowns of divorce and cancer. They are feeling better about things, hopeful that their lives will actually turn out to be OK, despite the curve.

A long time ago I learned to say goodbye without tears. I have said so many goodbyes in my life. Some of them were permanent. I never saw the person again (and not necessarily because they died). Some of them I knew would be a final farewell on this side of the Jordan. Some of them I did not know would be our last. I never said goodbye to Michael when he died - I clung to the belief that he was just having a health issue and that he would be fine. He said goodbye to me though. Some of the goodbyes I have had to say were not forever. I have happily reconnected with people even though our paths went in different directions.

Saying goodbye to Kiel was a bit harder than I thought. He plans to return in just a few weeks to spend summer here with us. Its just that it was so good to see him even though we went to North Carolina at Christmas time together. I'm not sure why I was so reticent for him to leave on that train. Perhaps because in the past, I knew he was still a child at heart, and he would never really leave home until he grew up more.

But he has changed. There is a seriousness about life creeping into his conversation, a warning sign that he is preparing to depart for his own life's path soon. I am happy for him. I am glad its happening. I don't want to say goodbye. He has been a main support for me through thick and thin. But its time. Its time for him to follow his heart to worlds of joy. So I said goodbye and watched him out of sight. You can only watch someone out of sight if you are willing to let them go. No denial here. Only a quiet acknowledgement, and bit of sadness mixed with great joy.