I am plain exhausted. Maybe it is the trip to Albany and the emotionally draining circumstance catching up to me. Maybe it is the class work and the reading and papers. Maybe I am just getting old. Maybe my body isn't functioning at top speed. Whatever it is, I decide that today I will just stay home and not DO anything. I will sleep in until I am ready to rise. I will sit around in my pj's and accomplish nothing at all. I am not going to call anyone, run errands, clean, read or write. I am depressed and mopey and with good cause.
During the conference, we were presented with a list of the symptoms of burnout, and I was shocked to discover that I have all of them! What??? I love my job, my other job, my life, my leisure. What am I burned out about? I tell myself out loud that this is to be expected. After all, my Mother just died and I have been battling cancer for - 9 years. I deserve to have a down day. Anybody would. OK. I give in to it mostly because I also got a list of what to do when you are burned out, and "doing nothing at all" is high on the list. So. I am normal.
It feels wonderful to loll around, sip ice tea, lounge lazily, not think, not see anyone. Drew is at work and I have the place to myself. I slept in until 9 am. Egads. I must really need this day. I did absolutely nothing until mid afternoon. Then I chided myself about the dirty dishes piled in the sink. I tried to go do them several times but just couldn't do it. I watched a movie. I laid on my bed. Finally, the bummer mentality lifted a bit. I wandered out in the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. I had to stick a few things in the dishwasher to find the sink. That wasn't so bad. But I refuse to do the pans.
Then I got to thinking about what would look good in my kitchen in the new apartment, and I started poking around a bit. I took all my dishtowels from the shelf and sorted through them. Some of them were definitely ready for the trash bin. I trashed them. Then I discovered some bottles of vitamins no one was taking. I checked the expiration dates. 2010! How did I miss that? Toss. One cupboard down. It felt WONDERFUL to get rid of junky stuff. Let's see what this cupboard has to offer.
I just worked my way around the kitchen deciding what to take with me and what to get rid of. I piled unnecessary stuff in the living room. This was not work. It was euphoric! I felt so liberated and free. Whenever I tired, I say down, nibbled something and rested, telling myself that the rest can wait for another day. But I found myself drawn irresistibly back to the kitchen to sort and toss. This is the time to do it while I am in a give it up mood. I am ruthless about tossing and downsizing. Keep life simple. Less to be burned out about.
By the time Drew gets home, I have a mountain in the living room to dispense with, and a very clean kitchen. So much for the "do nothing at all" philosophy. That's OK. I suspect this plays into the need for this change in ways I scarcely understand. Thanks be to God.
During the conference, we were presented with a list of the symptoms of burnout, and I was shocked to discover that I have all of them! What??? I love my job, my other job, my life, my leisure. What am I burned out about? I tell myself out loud that this is to be expected. After all, my Mother just died and I have been battling cancer for - 9 years. I deserve to have a down day. Anybody would. OK. I give in to it mostly because I also got a list of what to do when you are burned out, and "doing nothing at all" is high on the list. So. I am normal.
It feels wonderful to loll around, sip ice tea, lounge lazily, not think, not see anyone. Drew is at work and I have the place to myself. I slept in until 9 am. Egads. I must really need this day. I did absolutely nothing until mid afternoon. Then I chided myself about the dirty dishes piled in the sink. I tried to go do them several times but just couldn't do it. I watched a movie. I laid on my bed. Finally, the bummer mentality lifted a bit. I wandered out in the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. I had to stick a few things in the dishwasher to find the sink. That wasn't so bad. But I refuse to do the pans.
Then I got to thinking about what would look good in my kitchen in the new apartment, and I started poking around a bit. I took all my dishtowels from the shelf and sorted through them. Some of them were definitely ready for the trash bin. I trashed them. Then I discovered some bottles of vitamins no one was taking. I checked the expiration dates. 2010! How did I miss that? Toss. One cupboard down. It felt WONDERFUL to get rid of junky stuff. Let's see what this cupboard has to offer.
I just worked my way around the kitchen deciding what to take with me and what to get rid of. I piled unnecessary stuff in the living room. This was not work. It was euphoric! I felt so liberated and free. Whenever I tired, I say down, nibbled something and rested, telling myself that the rest can wait for another day. But I found myself drawn irresistibly back to the kitchen to sort and toss. This is the time to do it while I am in a give it up mood. I am ruthless about tossing and downsizing. Keep life simple. Less to be burned out about.
By the time Drew gets home, I have a mountain in the living room to dispense with, and a very clean kitchen. So much for the "do nothing at all" philosophy. That's OK. I suspect this plays into the need for this change in ways I scarcely understand. Thanks be to God.
No comments:
Post a Comment