Saying No

Because I am a naturally inquisitive person, I love to participate in all sorts of activities. I always enjoy exploring new subjects, meeting new people, participating in new experiences. I tend to list on my calendar all sorts of activities that peak my interest, then deciding at the last moment whether I will actually go or not.

They are not firm commitments, just suggestions of potential experiences I might try. My approach to life is rather like a layered onion. At the core are the necessary items, and you are free to peel away the unnecessary layers as needed. I only do what I have time, energy and resources to do and never feel bad about not going to something that isn't vital.

Others look at my double and triple booked calendar and call me driven. They simply don't understand my approach, that's all. I keep lots of things on my radar screen that I never get to. Like dance classes. I have wanted to do that for almost 20 years now, but never quite find the time, energy and resources at the same time to make it happen.

For the most part, I manage to participate in lots of things and have become adept at judging and balancing so that I never expend too much time and end up in some sort of deficit crunch. Lately though, I haven't even been putting extra things on my calendar. I am still trying to get all the necessary pieces taken care of.

I look at things like RPO concerts and lectures that I would love to attend and know better than to even consider it. It makes me somewhat sad. I haven't even gotten to the stage where I can keep contact with all my friends yet. I used to enjoy long conversations with many people, but they have all had to be on hold for almost a year. I want to catch up, but I don't yet have the strength to do that and still handle work.

As for the housework, that's still a bit spotty. Some weeks I can do it, others I struggle to keep up. Thank goodness I get some help from the boys in that department! I know it will not be this way forever. Gradually, over the course of the next few months, as I recover, I will return to a more normal pace for me. The oncologist said at least 6 months into the year without taking into account the May chemo treatment forthcoming.

So I wait patiently for a full recovery, continuing to say no to many things I would like to do. Visiting my grandkids in North Carolina is currently at the top of my list. Meanwhile, I am happy every day that I am walking, working, functioning relatively well. So if you hear a "no" from me, don't take it personally. Just be patient. I will come around.