I am having trouble singing. Even when I speak, my voice sounds froggy. It's frustrating trying to model music for the choir, only to have no voice, or to have my voice cut off in mid song. Right after the Bexxar, I couldn't even begin to sing. There was just nothing there. As time passed, I could at least do a few notes before squawking like a duck.
When I saw the oncologist, I was still having a lot of trouble with range. That has begun to improve. I now can sing most of a C scale starting on middle C. Not much more than that though. No high range at all. So my doctor sent me to a specialist for an assessment, even though she had several Eastman voice majors and a couple of opera singers (Met ones) who experienced the same thing. Theirs all cleared up in a year or so. But just in case there is anything else going on, we should know.
How naively I sat there, thinking I would just have a conversation and then set up an appointment for any procedures. Ridiculous. After a thorough exam (ever had your tongue held on to with a gauze pad?), they stuffed an anesthetic up my nostril so they could stick a scope down my throat! Yikes! I was a bit nervous about the whole idea and said so.
The doctor smiled. "Nonsense. I do hundreds of these things. It doesn't hurt me at all." Uh, no consolation there. The speech therapist came in and set up to record what they find. Then suddenly the scope was inserted and there before me on the monitor in living color were my very own vocal cords!
They had me make some "eeee" sounds at different pitches. The finding? Its very dry in there (Bexxar) and not much mucous. The cords themselves are atrophied and do not hit together properly. In fact, they don't really close but leave a gap where there should be only firm cord. There is also some swelling (edema), and a spot where there apparently was some small cyst that has sluffed off now.
The upshot? Nothing to worry about. Since I had other muscle issues (remember the physical therapy for my rubber legs?) its not surprising that these muscles are also affected. The dryness can be addressed by drinking even more water than I am now. The atrophy will improve as I get farther out from the Bexxar. They described my situation as "just beginning to come out from under the Bexxar fog" and that in a few more months, I would find myself with more energy, better muscle tone, less effect from the Bexxar including a renewed ability to sing.
Still, to track the progress, they schedule a repeat visit in 2 months in a different office that has a different type of scope where they can measure the number of vibrations and the mucosal effect. Interesting. I am relieved both that the procedure wasn't uncomfortable, and that there isn't anything else going on to be concerned about.
Now, off to my port draw.
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