The Long Drive Home

Good thing we decided to leave on Sunday. It was pouring down rain when we packed the car. I purposely didn't leave early, just in case there was black ice to deal with anywhere. After all, we were taking the PA route home, an easy 12 hour jaunt. And the boys had stayed up late the night before playing games and being rowdy. I had a bit of trouble falling asleep, and I wanted to make sure I was fully charged before heading out.

Mostly, the trip was uneventful, other than the rain, and we made good time. Pennsylvania is one huge slant - from our direction, uphill all the way. The weather waited to get nasty until we were well into the mountains, and far from the beaten trail. It was already sleeting when darkness enveloped us, but I kept thinking that we would be on the downside of things and exiting the higher elevations soon, so I forged ahead.

The road kept going up, up, up. The sleet and freezing rain turned to snow, and then blowing snow. Not much accumulation, but certainly greasing the roadway. Two lanes turned into two tire tracks. We crawled along, inching our way through the dark night, fearful of sliding into a ditch. Not much traffic on this road, and no street lights. No sign of salt and sand trucks either.

It was a good hour before despair set in. I had been clutching the steering wheel with a death grip for so long that my hands ached. I tried to relax, but it took all my focus to stay on the road. After two false alarms of starting to head downhill only to find myself climbing higher and higher in altitude, I finally gave up all hope and decided to find a hotel room for the evening. That's no easy feat in the mountains of PA. There aren't many exits, and few of them offered even gas let alone a hotel.

Prayers had been rolling from my lips for a good half hour before we saw a sign for a Comfort Inn. Kiel thought me crazy to stop. By his calculation we were only two hours from home. He wanted to push through. But I was at the breaking point. We stopped. I was physically shaking as I registered. I had been this stressed once before, long before cancer days. I wondered how it would play out. Last time I had sat in a tub of warm water for an hour, tears streaming down my face, before the shaking stopped.

This time, my arm was killing me from the pinched nerve, and my energy had long since evaporated. My boys never complained. But you could tell they were doing their best to humor me. Ah, well. We do what we can and let the rest go. I went to bed immediately. They stayed up a bit to watch TV.

As I lay there waiting for the shaking to subside (which it did within minutes), I realized how like cancer this nightmare drive is. The conditions are adverse and demanding, the way is dark, you have no idea how long it will last or whether you will end up in a ditch somewhere without help. You have no choice but to go on. You can't stay where you are or you will perish. You are pretty much alone in the struggle to keep the car on the road. Its definitely an uphill climb and though you hope and pray for the downhill part, it doesn't come. If you are lucky, you find a reprieve to give you time to regroup. And if you are really blessed, the morning light comes and with it, a chance to move on.

Thank God for both!