Tchaikovsky seems to be a theme this year. Everywhere I turn, I hear the enchanting themes from his Nutcracker Suite. They play it on the radio, the Community Orchestra played themes from it at the Christmas Gala Concert at Roberts, Eastman is doing its usual performances, I hear it in the mall as I shop, in the dentist office while I am waiting for Drew, in the doctor's office - he is everywhere!
Perhaps it is just that this Christmas has magic in it for the first time in a long time. The years before cancer hit, I was struggling to balance the demands of work, study, and family; settling in from moving; the year of cancer I was lucky to be upright and moving (I look like death warmed over in the pictures); the year in Connecticut I did not feel like I was at home anywhere. My life was adrift and the recovery process twisted and uncertain. Christmas was just another thing to endure.
But this year, the fog is clearing. Chemobrain has been figured out and minimized. The fatigue that has plagued me for so long is subsiding. I am in familiar surroundings, connecting with people I remember, being freed up to do what I am eager to pursue. And the weather, as if sensing the return of my joy, has cooperated with just enough sparkling snow to set the season without interfering with driving to any great extent.
I find myself singing quietly. I have to stop myself from singing when driving the carpool, but once they are safely deposited in school, I can sing freely, and I do! I am humming while I am grocery shopping (I inadvertently let a little loose at Wegmans the other day, and the man in line behind me joined in!) I sing while I am doing the dishes, while I am vacuuming (you can get real loud then), in the shower, in my office at work when no one else is around, when I am walking on campus - I had forgotten how great it is to sing. And what better themes to sing than Tchaikovsky's charming Nutcracker songs? You can make up the most delicious words - it practically rolls off your tongue before you know it!
It has been a long time since I have felt like singing. It came tiptoeing back when I wasn't looking, and one day I realized song had reentered my life. How great is that! I try not to go berserk with it, but its so irresistible. In fact, combined with my morning person mentality, its downright obnoxious! But I don't care. I am happy to be my old self again. I hope the joy of singing oozes out of me into the hearts of people who have lost their songs. I hope it encourages them to know that that their songs will return, that better days are ahead, that one's soul does not disappear forever.
Tra-la-la-la-la, have one great day (-:
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