Enforced Down Time

Good thing I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Granted it is with my Primary Care Physician, but I feel so horrible I am hoping she will be able to help me figure out what is wrong. The exhaustion gets more intrusive. Every episode grows more severe. My joints ache, I have pain here and there about my body. My stomach feels nauseous on and off. I have a lot of skin sores that seem to erupt at will. I can't seem to make any progress on the projects I want to finish. My head aches. Lately I have been taking Drew to the carpool pick up site, then going back to bed. I don't even bother to shower or dress for work beforehand as I usually do. I have been late to work several mornings by as much as 15 minutes.



Problem is, I don't know whether I have caught the flu that is going around, I'm just getting older and my body is showing its age, it is something from the lymph glands issue that lights up my PET scans, or its the change of weather. I do know this is the most I have ever given in to not feeling well. Usually I just get up and make myself keep going. Perhaps I am just tired of plodding forward. Maybe I need a vacation! Or maybe it is because I worked both weekend days and didn't have the usual recovery and pampering time where rest helps my body rebuild. That's the most likely cause.



Ever since the cancer, if I don't get enough rest, I become dysfunctional. I cannot push myself as I have always done. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe I should be taking life a bit more easily and value the time to absorb the beauty of the world God created, the comfort of a friendship, the joy of talking with my kids. After all, even God rested. And told us to. In this crazy helter skelter world, we just keep doing things and never pause for reflection and renewal not to mention resting.



When we do have "down time" its because we are ill and have no choice. I prefer taking down time voluntarily. So I will not schedule a double weekend again. Its not like I didn't have offers from my wiser colleagues to take one of the days. Next time, I will listen.