I apologize for not posting the last few days. Its been a bit hectic. Things have been moving in unexpected directions, and I have needed to take care of a bunch of things in order to keep up.
So on Thursday, I called the Gyn/Onc as directed. The receptionist said she would put my name on his call back list, and we discussed when he might be able to call so I could make sure I was in my office. She said after 3 and before 5, and I said after 3:30 since I had a meeting until 3:15. The day went by fast since I was catching up from 2 days of being away. I had dropped the ball on a number of projects, and had to reschedule numerous meetings and adjust deadlines, apologize to people about not coughing up the goods. I was in my office at 3:30 as agreed. I had a meeting going on, but the people knew I might have to excuse myself to take a call.
No call.
I waited until 5:15 before I left, and felt at a loss since I would now have to wait until Friday to try and get in touch with him again. I know he is busy. Me too. It's an exercise in futility to try and sync our schedules. I wondered if he had email and whether he would be willing to at least leave me a voice mail message.
I was rather down once I got home. Drew was at the clubhouse with a friend swimming, and I was alone, moping, when the phone rang. It was the doctor, and his words were not at all what I was expecting. Basically, the upshot was that the additional tests still did not reveal the location of the mass. He referred me back to the colorectal doctor for followup - can't remove what you can't find regardless of what the tests show.
There are now some results of the earlier treatment showing up in the testing, and needing followup. Besides the chemobrain that I have known about, things like heart issues and nerve damages. They are thinking I will need a couple of years of looking at these peripheral health concerns. Survivorship care is a new idea and not too well defined as yet. So I realize I need to be in a better position to be able to manage my health, my son and a job well. Here where I am I haven't the kind of systems around me that make doing this easy, and the job is too demanding.
I gave it a lot of thought and prayer, and in accord with my parents encouragement, I have accepted a librarian position in Rochester, NY. When we lived there before, I had a lot of friends, I know the area, I can minimize my dependence on others when I am not feeling well, but at the same time Drew can connect with a good school, friends from before, and most everything is within walking distance so he will remain functional even when I am not.
The apartment complex we lived in before is about a block or two from where I will be working, from the church, from a grocery store - all the basic necessities. The church has a parish nurse program to assist those with health limitations. There is a well known cancer clinic in nearby Buffalo where I will get a referral.
On top of all that, the College knows about the cancer and is OK with it. They agreed to support me in my MCM degree program, and will consider letting me teach as adjunct faculty in music. My start date is July 1.
We are packing in earnest now. I have about 50+ boxes completed, and more empties to fill. Drew is so excited he is really going to town on his things. Having been given this reprieve, I decided to go ahead with one 2 week session at Concordia. That will be the first 2 weeks of June. So I have 2 weeks to begin strategizing about how to offload my current responsibilities, 2 weeks to step into a world I absolutely love and immerse myself in worship music (I have plans to work more on my article about Psalm 23 choral settings), then 2 weeks in CT to transfer my work to the appropriate people. I will have time in Wisconsin to walk on the newly remodeled beach and let God speak to my soul - an mind/emotion/body/spirit retreat and quiet treat. The campus once was a nuns place and the peace and calm hover over the campus still like a shawl of God's grace that has permeated every inch of ground and building.
My last day here will be June 30, my first day there July 2. I have already contacted Roswell Park (the cancer clinic in Buffalo) to see if I can get an appointment before I leave here. So we are in a whirlwind of activity at the moment. I believe this is the Lord opening up the way for me to get into a much more supported position doing what I love doing.
So for now, I will likely not have a chance to post as often. I will still ramble on, but not so much about cancer concerns until such point as they may rear their ugly heads again. I will likely write a lot while I am at Concordia as I always am inspired by being there. Maybe that's why it is taking me *so* long to complete this degree!
I cannot tell you how much it has meant to hear from so many of you and to know that you are supporting me, praying for me, encouraging me, sending me words of encouragement. While I know I am not out of the woods yet, I remain optimistic that this is some sort of incredible joke - tests say yes, body says no. I vote with the no part.
While I feel a bit as if there is some sort of time bomb ticking away inside, other than the dull pains in the wrong place, and the tiredness, I am fine and will simply hang on to that. Meanwhile, I hope we stay in touch. Its been wonderful staying connected to you all. I hope your summer goes well and you are fully blessed and happy. Please drop me a line and let me know what you are up to. And feel free to check the blog from time to time - provided you don't mind a bit of drippy schlock (-:
