Power of Prayer

It is the prayer, I am convinced. I expected to be overwrought about this procedure, anxious, unable to concentrate, feeling nervous. I have a particular fear of not being able to breathe. I think it stems from a field trip to the Alcoa aluminum plant when I was a young child. In spite of the fact that my Father was with me, I was terrified of the sulfur smell, the loud noise of the machines, the lack of windows, no clear idea of how we would ever get back to the little door we entered by.

Somehow I was afraid. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Of course, it turned out fine and we eventually exited into the broad and wide out of doors, but that deep fear seared my poor young brain. Just the thought of someone shoving something down my throat and not being able to breathe or talk or live is frightening to me. I have been through lots of medical procedures, but this one has me reduced to jello.

I am no fool. I called everyone and asked them to pray for me. Not because I merely wished their good thoughts and to somehow borrow their strength for my own, but because I truly wished them to seek the Lord's strength on my behalf so that I could withstand the trial. I am, I fully know, too weak to go through this without help.

Here it is the night before. I am not worried. It is a miracle I am not tense and cranky. But I am at peace. I know I will be able to sleep well, and will wake in a positive frame of mind. In the past, I would have been tied in knots, and have known sleepless nights based merely on starting a new job. Sometimes I have been able to allay fear until the last moment by forcing myself to not think about it, to deny that it would happen, to refuse to believe its coming.

But tonight is not that. I do not have to purposely focus my thoughts on the Lord's Prayer or Psalm 23 or anything else. I do not find my brain constantly thinking about the procedure until I am scared. This is different. This is truly the power of prayer, the grace of God. I have a quiet confidence that all will be well, that God will go with me through this valley and that I will not need to be afraid. It is God's peace that passes understanding.

It is possible that tomorrow I will be a wreck, but I don't think so. For now, I simply plan to get a good night's rest. I am not compelled to rush about making sure my house is in order and that things are clean and there is cash for the boys in case something goes awry and I end up staying in the hospital - or, God forbid - something worse. No, I just go about my usual business and retire in a timely way. Everything will be OK.