Farewell

Tonight Shannon’s Mom died. I got the message in the middle of a voice lesson. Tucked up here in Wisconsin, totally caught up with class and reading and lessons and activities I had forgotten that this event was immanent. It arrived with startling reality. This woman I have never met, with whom I had not even spoken, whose picture I have seen only once and about whom I know almost nothing – her death affects me profoundly.

On one level, I am distraught for my daughter-in-law because of her loss and the grieving that must inevitably come. I will likely face such a loss myself someday. I try to think what it will be like – the finality of it. I remember what it was like when my son died, not the same thing, but touching your life in similar ways. Were it not for the comfort of the Holy Spirit, his provision of peace when least expected, I should not have been able to move forward from that dark place. I am surprised to find the pain of that loss gone now after twenty years. Oh, there’s still an ache and an empty place. But the panic, the fear, the distress has subsided.

On another level, I realize how close I came to walking down the same path as Sandy. It could as easily have been my experience to go from diagnosis to death in a few short weeks. That possibility still hangs over me though less intrusively than before. It is the grace of God that I am still here. I wonder if I will be able to thank God properly, give him my labor of love, be worthy of the second chance.

I toss and turn and cannot sleep. Outside my room the storm is raging. Wind screams past the windowsill tossing trees about, lightning flashes, thunder rolls across the heavens, rain beats against the glass, flailing against the building with a fury unquenchable. It is as if the world is in mourning, angry for the separation of mother and daughter, for the pain of death. I turn back to my prayers, seeking God’s grace for Shannon and her family. Lord, this night of all nights, be near to all those whose hearts are throbbing and reeling from the loss of their mothers. Fill the void with your deep abiding presence and love.