The Paper

No matter how I feel today, the paper is due. I must complete it. Fortunately, I created an outline and sketched in some thoughts before the chemo just in case I ended up with chemobrain too badly. I look at what is there. This will work. I have all day. Surely I can manage 2400 words by midnight.

But papers don't write themselves. I struggle to push into words thoughts that are still foggy and unclear. I am out of my element writing about Islam. I don't know anyone of that faith, so I have no idea how to hold a discussion of beliefs with someone who is Muslim. I write a page, reread, delete and begin again. It all sounds so artificial. I immerse myself in the readings. It makes sense when I read about it. But can I discuss it with any sense of integrity? I try again. Again I delete and start over.

Some papers are more challenging. They say to write about what you know and have experienced, and I see that this is my issue. So I just begin there. I don't know anyone of the Muslim faith. Perhaps that is my fault for not seeking them out. Regardless, here is what I understand of their beliefs from the readings, and here is where we agree. This is where we disagree.

I worry over it all day like a dog with a tough bone. Finally I am out of time and patience. I just want to get this darn thing off my computer and safely uploaded to the professor's class site. I suppose I could make some chemo excuse, except that chemo is not the reason this isn't my best work. Sigh. Sometimes you just have to take your lumps.