Sidelined

I always have symptoms. Its just part of going through cancer and treatment. There are days when I feel terrible - achy and pained and slow. I have given up reporting them because they are so transitory. But I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, so I decide to make a list over the course of a week of all the various complaints I encounter. I faithfully jot down all the symptoms I feel and find I have a considerable list. Maybe, I tell myself, maybe they are not all from cancer. Maybe there is actually something that can be done about some of them.

I have my normal checking in appointment with my primary care physician, and she seems to be the person I should discuss these symptoms with. Maybe they will be seen not through the cancer lens, but from a normal person perspective. I hand her my list. Her eyes widen and she turns to me. "Why did you wait so long to bring this to my attention - this is a huge list. I won't have time in a short 15 minute check up to properly address all these things."

I wanted to say - I have brought them up repeatedly with you and other doctors, and the answer is always - nothing really we can do about this. It is just part of your health picture. But I just sit there feeling like I have done something wrong and regretting bringing it up at all. She whirls into action, calling in her nurse and barking out a string of orders.

I want her to see a cardiologist today - call the crisis clinic. Set up an appointment with neurology. Get her in to the sleep center. Send her downstairs for a chest x-ray and lab work. We'll get to the bottom of this. And by the way, call oncology and tell them she can't have chemo until we have figured out what is going on here. And she disappears into the next patient appointment. Huh.

The nurse begins to step through the hoops. Maybe there is something that can be done to help me feel better. I am stunned and ever so slightly optimistic.