Chemo Cancelled

Did you ever hear of such a thing? I got a call from the cardiologist himself, the head guy, early this morning. He just wanted to reassure me that my echo cardiogram was fine and that I am not having heart problems. I can hardly imagine a doctor doing this sort of calling. Usually I just wait until my next appointment to hear the news. I always figure that if anything was terribly amiss, I would get a call to come in. What a tremendous lift to actually get the test results so fast and from the man himself!

Then he told me that even though he had cancelled my chemo until we checked things out, he felt I could go ahead and do it anyways. Wait. What? That would have been today, and I am already at work and off the infusion center's schedule. He suggests I talk with Dr. Young to see if they will take me anyways. Oh rats! Somewhere in the back of my head I was hoping they might decide that my body had had enough chemo and I would be excused from the rest of the gig. What was I thinking???

There is no help for it. I dial the doctor's number and patiently endure the constantly repeating message "All our operators are busy assisting other patients. Please stay on the line and we will take your call in the order in which it was received. Your call is important to us." < blurb of cheesy music inserted here >. Maybe she will say I can at least skip this month's because I am beyond the acceptable date limit. A ray of hope shines briefly before my eyes. The receptionist picks up and before I can say Jack Robinson or any thing else for that matter, I am back on the schedule for next Friday.

That's that. One day of Rituxan forthcoming. No escape, excuse or get out of jail free card. I tell myself that I ought to be grateful. This supposedly keeps the cancer at bay longer. I am fortunate that my insurance covers these $10,000 treatments. It's not like they are doing surgery or removing any limbs. Still, as much as I focus on the good parts, the shadow hangs over me half the day until I contact my friend who has agreed to go with me. She is still able to be there for me. OK. I feel a little better. And the church mice have already sent along a bag of presents to cheer me while I am undergoing. Maybe it won't be so bad after all.

For now though, I will just think about other things and enjoy the day at hand. Think I will find a funny movie to watch tonight. Just to keep that at bay naggling thought that even though the tests show I am heart healthy, it didn't bother to figure out why I am having those symptoms. Wait - don't go there. Just be glad you are heart healthy and leave it at that.