I'm sorry, but this is not my Mom. This person does not look me in the eye, does not want to talk, and when she does talk, goes on and on about her anxieties, none of which are grounded in reality. Who is this person and what have you done with my Mother?
Where is the woman who always listened to me when I needed to vent? Or sent me little care packages when I was far from home? Where is the woman who read copiously and teased me about the little things? Where is the strong woman who chopped firewood and hauled armloads inside several times a day to feed the woodstove?
This woman cannot even figure out how to stand up by herself, or remember how to brush her teeth. This woman watches (of all things) game shows non stop all day long. This woman will not eat anything. Mom. Where are you? You are all bent over and barely shuffle your feet. You hate to sit but don't like going to bed. You refuse to take a car trip even when you have a doctor's appointment. Your hand shakes. You pout.
Yet you get amazingly excellent care packed with love and gentleness. Why are you convinced that you will be abandoned? Why do you think you are not liked?
How my heart aches for Mom and for my sister who is working so hard to be there for Mom in her hour of need. This is extreme devastation due to a broken heart. I am worn thin at the end of only a few days. How do Mom's caregivers manage? The women who stay with Mom during the day are kind and thoughtful people who do their level best to encourage and support this person named Lillian, this relative stranger.
Lord God, please touch Mom and make her well. Please restore quickly her spirit and give her your peace that passes understanding. Help my sister find the right solutions so that normalcy returns. Bring us back our Mom.
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