Driving to Deb's

What in the world is wrong with me? I suddenly find myself terrified to drive to my sister's place in Tennessee. Good grief. Negative thoughts flood my head. A litany of "what if's" insist on streaming non-stop through my mind.

What if the car breaks down? What if you throw a rod? What if your tires explode? What if your brakes give out? What if you have a terrible accident? What if someone steals your purse? What if an 18 wheeler runs over you? What if your port suddenly blows up? What if another tooth falls out? What if you suddenly have a relapse? What if you have a kidney stone?

I have never encountered such a problem stemming an ocean of negativity. What gives? I think about it. I remember after Dad had his by pass surgery, he didn't want to go far from home, didn't want to get beyond the help of doctors who knew his case, who could step in and do whatever was necessary to prevent such a thing from hitting him again.

I know my druthers would be to curl up in my little apartment and never stray far from home again. I also know that if I don't push myself to go, I could get stuck battling a far stronger homing urge than I want to deal with. Go now before it conquers your freedom. Go with God. Learn to trust despite foreign situations.

So you are far from the mechanic you trust. That doesn't mean you will be stranded in some strange city with no help available. You are so set up to connect with friendly faces - cell phone, laptop, AAA. Not to worry. Put your trust in the goodness of God and know that just because you have had some tough stuff happen, that doesn't mean that every experience will be challenging. If some health issue surfaces, count yourself lucky to be driving in America where health care is readily available.

Despite my arguing with myself constantly, despite playing a CD of encouraging hymns, despite putting in a CD of Scripture being read by James Earl Jones, the negative thoughts just keep coming. I was totally unprepared for this battle. My blood pressure must be through the roof. I find myself clenching the steering wheel until my fingers ache.

What am I so afraid of? Where did this come from? I do not know. I just keep driving farther and farther from the safety of my little community, farther and farther into the unknown. On some level, I understand that everything will be fine. When at long last I pull over and check into a hotel for the night, I face new fears.

What if someone damages my car while I sleep? What if someone breaks into my room and hurts me? What if the trunk of my car gets broken into and all my stuff gets stolen? On and on and on the crazy thoughts go. How ridiculous. I hang on to and keep repeating Psalm 4:8 - I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.

And so I finally drift off, suspended in a world of angst. This too shall pass. I know it to be true. This too shall pass.