I Can't Do It

I was supposed to have a mammogram and bone scan today. I scheduled it, I want to be thorough in my follow up, checking carefully to ensure that cancer is not rearing its ugly head somewhere else in my body, a very real concern.

But I just can't do it. I have done so much medical stuff for so long. I have been battling cancer for the last six years. I am supposed to be in remission. Leave me alone. I spend more time running back and forth to appointments with this specialist and that lab, taking this test and that consultation. I am done for a bit. I need some space.

You know what? I have a life and I like it a lot. I just want to live it unhindered for awhile. So I called and cancelled the appointment. I'll reschedule it, perhaps next week or after Easter. But right now, I am dealing with a gastroenterologist, a throat doctor, and a dental specialist. That's enough to make anyone's head spin.

I don't often get overwhelmed or feel like I just can't add one more thing. Perhaps it is because I want room to smell the roses while I am on this journey. I need time with my friends and with my grand children and with my kids. So the medical stuff will have to come into some kind of manageable balance whether it wants to or not. Now that the tidal wave is over, I prefer to stand in the shallows, not ride the curl.