Crash Day Again

2:22am. I knew it was gonna be a bumpy day. I woke and needed to check on the dog, but I just couldn't rouse myself. Before I realized it, the clock said 4:23am and I still couldn't seem to get myself up.

Every crash day post prednisone has offered its own set of challenges, and I knew this one would pass too, that I would just have to cooperate with my body while I rode the roller coaster down to the depths, however far they may take me this time. Then things would level out and I would hover a bit before heading back to better.

So I just rested. Never mind the phone, the dog, the maintenance man, the meeting I should have attended (how much energy could it take to listen to a conversation?!), the ticking of the clock. I lay down, moving only to refresh my water or shift positions, drifting in and out of sleep, vaguely aware of the day.

This is the important work I need to focus on. Let my body deal with the physical challenges in the best way it can. This is the work my friends and family have freed me to attend to. I do not think of task lists, my feelings of helplessness, my desire to be productive. I am working hard. I am fighting cancer. I am fighting with all my might.

Tomorrow will be time enough to walk the dog, answer email, make lists. Today I do the work of healing. Better yet, I cooperate with the healing force God placed in my body. It will be better tomorrow. Definitely. Now, sleep!