Exhaustion

I knew it would hit sooner or later. I always get some sort of reaction from the PET scans. Usually about a week later. And tonight, it has arrived. I know I should be doing things - like unpacking and practicing and paying bills. But I cannot move. My body feels like it weighs tons. Every little gesture, every little wiggle takes herculean strength. I know better than to fight it.

Just ride it out, it passes. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later. But eventually it goes away. At least this time I am not swollen in a hundred glands in every conceivable place. I suspect I will be able to sleep well, unhindered by aches and pains that often accompany these times.

I look at the kitchen in desperate need of arrangement. I see boxes that should be taken to the dumpster, pictures that need hanging, curtains in need of washing. There are items to take to Sal's, bottles to return - I refuse to look any more. I will go crazy. It will all be taken care of later. Later when I am not tired, when I am not struggling to turn in apartment keys or take care of a dozen things at work. Later this weekend when I can work early in the morning while my strength is still fresh and my mind working well.

Tonight I will just sit still, not reading, not talking, not thinking. I will work with my body to help this episode pass. I will think on the Bible verses I can remember. "I will never leave you or forsake you." "In returning and rest you shall be saved. In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength." I will retire early and sleep deeply and wake in hopes that my breathing will not be labored nor my mind dull. This too shall pass.