I woke up still not feeling well, but I had to drive carpool, so I slept in as long as I dared, then decided that even though my to-do list is lengthy (especially since I didn't do half of yesterday's little things), I would return home after dropping kids off and try to get some more rest.
I sat in the driveway of the pick-up site, waiting for the girl from Spencerport to arrive. The boys assured me she is always late. After 15 minutes, I ask if she has ever been this late before. I get non-commital grunts. I have left my phone home, but at the risk of not being where I should be when she arrives, I decide to go home again and get my phone to see if she has called.
No message awaits. I phone her Mom's cell. She answers, sounds confused. I ask if Beth is on her way. "Oh, no dear, we are out of town at my father-in-law's funeral. I thought everyone knew that. I am sorry." Well, we get a very late start, and the boys are late arriving at school. Not the way you want a Monday to begin.
I go home, and sit. I realize what a mess the house is in since I didn't do anything yesterday. I do a few dishes, I sit. I pick up a few things, I sit. I fold a few shirts, I sit. I am plumb worn out to the point of exhaustion. But I slept solid and didn't wake or thrash about. How could I be so tired this early in the morning? My neck aches, my legs hurt, my back is killing me, my hiatal hernia is flaring. Any normal person would assume they have a flu. I am not running a temperature. And I am not normal anymore. Now I have to work hard to determine if I am having a normal illness, a cancer related illness, or an illness resulting from the treatment for cancer that I have undergone. Or none of the above!
I have a faculty meeting at 11. At 10 I take a long hot shower. I am truly thankful that I not only have running water, but hot running water and a good shower that's clean and functional. Not everyone has those luxuries, and I appreciate how great it feels. At 10:30, I lay down. I am so happy to have a private bedroom with a comfortable bed and warm blankets. There have been times when I had none of those things. I am glad to have them now. My alarm goes off at ten of 11. I am SO grateful that I live a mile away, close enough to get there in ten minutes - and very happy to have such a great car to drive there in. I am in no shape to walk today with legs that feel like wobbly Jello and enough nausea to float an oceanliner!
After the faculty meeting, I go home again. My day doesn't start at the library until 1. I lay down. The yuckies are beginning to lift. I wonder if I am going to make it to the end of the day - 9pm - without feeling bad again. I try to figure out if I ate something that set my system off. I don't want to repeat that. There are too many variables. I had squash, pulled pork, asparagus, cheese. Anything could have set me off. I realize I am branching out and being bolder about what I eat. That's a good thing (except when I don't tolerate it).
Once again I refuse to take a day when I can navigate even at half speed. I know there may be days when I won't be able to move, so I will go today and tough it out because tomorrow I may not be able to do that. Even though the new doctor says I don't have a recurrence of cancer (yahoo!), I know that I am not in tippytop condition. And that's one reason I am where I am. Even on a bad day, I can keep going. And when the bad days are few and far between, I get to work on projects I have never had time for in the past. Pretty sweet, don't ya think?
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