After taking care of business, I sip the tepid water from the ever present glass beside my bed and twirl open the blinds. The blacktop of the driveway glistens like polished marble. I hear the tinny sound of rain hitting the roof of the jeep parked outside my bedroom window. The area is lighted not by the moon but by the soft yellow glow of the complex's security lighting, half muffled by the frame of the open garage structure across the parking lot. The quiet scene is wrapped in a surreal peace.
Who was it that said, "Into every life a little rain must fall?" This morning's rain, softly falling, making grass green and crocuses blossom, washing the dust and pollen from the air is a good thing. Tons of rain unexpectedly rising over sidewalks and cars, that would be a bad thing. Floods need to be channeled and controlled with sandbags and levees.
Cancer is a flood coursing through your life wreaking havoc. This time, I am working to find ways to contain the damage and direct the flow as much as possible, leaving the overall situation in higher hands than my own. Here are my "sandbags" so far:
*prayer and support from friends and family (I hang your emails and letters on my bedroom wall)
*gathering thoughts that are uplifting, pure, good
(I am writing verses on cards to take with me to the hospital)
*put my affairs in order so I can focus on getting well
*collecting recordings of exquisitely painfully beautiful music (PLEASE send your suggestions)
*surrounding myself with beauty (suggestions for a picture to take to the hospital to hang on the wall gratefully accepted)
*eating well whilst I still can
*exercising to rev up my immune system and be in shape
*take a good daily supplement
*drink a lot of water
*making sure the house is well stocked
*living every moment fully, storing up fabulous memories for the inactive recovery times
Sort of like training for the big fight! At least I am forewarned and have time to prepare some. Feel free to describe other sandbags you think will help. Maybe this flood will not be such a big flood. Maybe it can be contained. One thing is for sure - a simple umbrella will not suffice. So break out the galoshes and slickers. Better yet, build me an ark and let me float safely in God's hands until the storm is past.
And with that thought, and the arrival of 5am, I believe I will get up and do last night's dishes (-:
2 comments:
Esther, you are an example to us all.
I am sure you know this but you forgot to list all the things God gives to you directly: Love, Grace, Peace, strength, unexplicable joy!! He Gives us a purpose and a drive that no one can even imagine, and sometimes we dont even realize that where we are now, and what we are doing today are so filled with God that no one else could endure what we are. Being in God's presence all the time can sometimes make us forget that. But I know that you are very special and have one of the greatest relationships with God that I have ever seen
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