Today I need to finish my second paper. I have nothing on my calendar, and head to my office where I can think in peace and quiet. I am still tired, but should be able to handle just sitting and typing. As the day wears on, people keep interrupting me and wanting to talk. I am frustrated because I really want to get this paper done - it is due today - and I can feel my energy dissipating quickly. But it is not to be. People are more important than paper deadlines, so I concentrate on the person in my office and do what I can to address whatever is the concern.
At last I am rounding up my work. Inside I am a bowl of jiggling jello and mush. My head is pounding and my hands shake. I am so close. I am proofing for the second time. Suddenly, I think that what I have written is junk. Chemo has squandered my brain and I am not thinking clearly. This paper is not on target. I get the assignment out and read it again, going through the paper to see if I have answered the paper and done what was asked. Yes, it is there but not entirely clear and linear. I need to tighten it up and do a bit of connecting work.
I take a short break, get a drink of cold water, stretch, pray, and head back to my draft. Yes, I can see where I could improve things. Another half hour, and I am more satisfied with the results. I know it is not my best work. I can't help it. I submit, knowing I have pushed myself beyond my endurance. Why do I wait so long to get things done? So atypical of me. No matter. Right now I just need to go home and rest. The results are in God's hands anyway. I can only be what I can be.
At last I am rounding up my work. Inside I am a bowl of jiggling jello and mush. My head is pounding and my hands shake. I am so close. I am proofing for the second time. Suddenly, I think that what I have written is junk. Chemo has squandered my brain and I am not thinking clearly. This paper is not on target. I get the assignment out and read it again, going through the paper to see if I have answered the paper and done what was asked. Yes, it is there but not entirely clear and linear. I need to tighten it up and do a bit of connecting work.
I take a short break, get a drink of cold water, stretch, pray, and head back to my draft. Yes, I can see where I could improve things. Another half hour, and I am more satisfied with the results. I know it is not my best work. I can't help it. I submit, knowing I have pushed myself beyond my endurance. Why do I wait so long to get things done? So atypical of me. No matter. Right now I just need to go home and rest. The results are in God's hands anyway. I can only be what I can be.
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