Charity

I have not figured out how to deal with bipolar people. I just don't have the answers to how my responsibility relates to their unwillingness to do what needs to be done, like stay on the meds. Somewhere mixed up in all of this is the idea of knowing how to love someone unlovable. There is much talk about being a loving person in the Christian community, but I am not convinced that when the rubber meets the road we are truly doing loving things. I feel all awash and ashamed of my response towards someone out of control and obviously in desperate need. Here is how it makes me feel:

CHARITY

In the early gray of dawn
I head to the kitchen to get ready for work.
Some dark form lies on the floor, obstructing my path.
It is my brother, lying there bleeding.
I step carefully over him so as not to come in contact
And get my pants bloody.
I fill my water bottle, eat my yogurt, and drink my tea,
Careful not to look his way.
After all, I am busy.
I have obligations to meet.
I am a single parent and I work hard – two jobs mind you.
Besides, it is clear from his distress that it will take a professional to fix this mess.
Even if I started to help, I just can’t do it all.
I would never allow myself to get into such a state.
He could have avoided it by doing what he should have.
Not my fault he is hurting.
If I help him, where will it end?
How many other bleeding bodies will be dumped in my kitchen?
No, he will just have to get himself to the doctors
Where he can get the help he needs.
After all, that’s why we have clinics.
Still, I suppose it is the Christian thing to do.
I throw him a couple of bandaids from my purse,
Extras I carry around in case of emergency.
They are a bit worn and wrinkled and I should get fresh ones anyway.
I head off to work feeling good about myself.
Hope he is gone by the time I get home.
Bad enough I will have to mop up the blood.