Spiritual Direction

So. The older I grow, the more aware I become of my shortcomings and inadequacies. I want to change, but I am pretty sure I can't just make myself behave better. I definitely need God's help to be a nicer person now that I can see my own - well, immaturites. I have heard about seeking a spiritual director and have given that some thought. Perhaps if I can improve my relationship with God, I may make some progress on becoming more godly.

I prayed about it for awhile. I recall when I was in my twenties reading the verse about the older, more mature women teaching the younger women how to live, and I used to pray that God would send me one of those mature older women to work with. I just never found any older women who acted in ways I thought at the time were worthy of emulating.

I see things differently now. I finally asked to meet with someone I admire to see if she would be willing to take me on. We chatted for awhile about the idea. She understood my desire, and called these issues I struggle with "dissonances." We seem to be on the same page. So we will try meeting on a monthly basis for awhile to work on the state of my heart. I have a great deal of hope that my behavior will improve. That would be a plus. Sometimes I can be downright ugly.