Finished But Not Yet Done

Oh my gracious! I have struggled with the dissertation corrections, had near meltdowns when I thought a virus had destroyed all my work, tried to get all the corrections to line up - change one example and then everything after that one has to be redone - and there are 83 examples! Line up the page numbers in the Table of Contents, then add one more paragraph and have to renumber all the pages. It seemed never ending. Yes, I want it to be right, but 170 pages of detailed precision correction work is a veritable stretch for a non-detail oriented person like myself.


Of course, if I were still working on content, I wouldn't mind so much. But the majority of this is form. And yes, form is important. But really. I thought I would go bonkers. You cannot imagine my relief when at long last I was proofing the final pages, knowing that submittal for sign off can't be far off. What a relief to push send on the email and hand it off to the program director. And I thought the service concert recital was the most work. Not even close. The dissertation required much more than the preparation and performance.


Well, its finished, but it won't be done until I get the OK to print and send for binding. I fully plan to walk in December to receive this Master's degree in Church Music on which I have spent 7 years. And during which time I grew, learned, and came away with so much for ministry to others. I can't believe I ever thought about dropping out and not finishing. After the first bout of cancer, I actually thought there was no point doing this degree since my gig was up and it was entirely possible I would die before completion.


But I knew the minute I stepped on campus after deciding to try and return to some kind of normal and pick up the shattered pieces of my life that I had made the right decision. That summer I spent a lot of time walking by the lake and crying. It was extremely healing for me. But being with my colleagues and focusing attention on things sacred and musical was far and away more important.


I like to think that when I get to heaven, I will instantly have all the music skill and understanding that I will ever want or need. And that may happen. But in the meantime, if I want this life to approach anything like heaven, I must learn and do and be all that I can, seeking the highest standard of excellence possible and striving to bring as many others along as I can. Then maybe, just maybe, we can experience some little slice of heaven right here, right now as we apply our skills to recreate the original thing that God intended all along.


Well, time to jump into the next paper - or project - or event - or happening. I'll let you know when the binding occurs.