Exhaustion

I knew long before morning came that I was not going to be able to leave the house. How sad I am to have to miss church. Drew had agreed to attend with me and I was so looking forward to worshiping with him. But alas! Such is not to be. At least not today. I mourn the situation.





I woke every hour in discomfort all night long. I ache everywhere. My head hurts. My muscles refuse to cooperate. I sweat profusely yet do not have a temperature. My throat aches. It is difficult to swallow but my glands are not swollen. My teeth hurt for no reason. My joints are all swollen and I can barely move my fingers. My ankles look like they are waterlogged. I know I can not tolerate clothing. It is no use. I am confined to bed.





I close my eyes and pray, shifting to find some comfortable position. How long before this passes, whatever it is? I doze off, waking an hour later. Can I get up yet? No. Go back to sleep. I take a small swallow of water. The silky liquid soothes my parched mouth and wets my throat. I doze again. Time ticks by. I am dimly aware that I would have been in the service, then at the fellowship dinner afterwards, then on the way home. Church is done, but I am still miserable.





Drew has not moved. Just as well. I cannot help him right now. I feel badly that the dog has not been walked or fed, but getting up is impossible much less maneuvering the steps to get outside. Fortunately, she is not fussing. She seems to sense that I am in a bad way. I doze off again, tossing fitfully. If only I could read some Scripture verses, or say some from memory, but I am too ill.





I clumsily slide my Bible from the nightstand into my arms and hug it as best I can, taking comfort in the closeness, feeling somehow God will hear me. Noon comes and goes. I can not even figure out how to take any medicine. I sip another bit of water and roll over. Drew is stirring. Four pm. I finally manage to slip out of bed and crawl to the chair in the living room.





Drew is solicitous of my state, offers me some cold water, a dish of ice cream that might slide down easily. I am starting to feel a bit better. Did I have some weird kind of chemo flashback? Some odd flu? No idea. I am happy it is going away. I have to open the library tomorrow and I need my strength. Tonight I can barely lift my arms. By 8 pm I head back to bed hopeful that after a good night's rest I will be OK.





These are the days that take me aback and make me think I will never be well. Thank God it is passing.