Pre-Arranging

I remember how difficult it was for me to make decisions about my son's funeral when he died. And how hard it was on Mom to make choices about Dad's funeral. Jan just made arrangements for Mom's funeral while we are not emotionally distraught with her passing, and it occurs to me that I should make arrangements for my funeral so that my boys will not have to do that.

I call ahead and make an appointment for before Loran's service. I explain my situation, and am given an appointment with one of the women there. She is very understanding. I am surprised at how many decisions one must make. So much more than just what casket I will be buried in! It is, in fact, an event and requires lots of forethought and planning. She is a wonderful guide and help. And I take pleasure in making these decisions! I know, it sounds morbid. If I were on my deathbed, I would be struggling to think of such things.

I see such a parallel between this event and watching my son and his fiance planning their wedding. Life events require lists and plans. We giggle about what drives the people left behind in their decisions. Trying to guess what the person would have wanted, trying to save face by going all out, trying to prove that you loved them by not being cheap. These are all things I will save my children from.

I select an angel and flower motif. Angels watching over me. Nice. We plan my gravestone. The angel will be like the one on the inside of my casket (yes, I know. This sounds macabre.) We giggle over my realization that I should not select dangly earrings because when you are laying down, they will hang funny. She 'fesses up to her wild machinations to get earrings to look normal and "hang" right.

The one thing I insist on - which the boys will see as Mom still meddling from the great beyond - is that the boys ride to the cemetery in the same limo without spouses and kids. I suspect it may be the last time they see each other in one place on this earth and I want them to have something to remember of when they were together.

Well, there you have it. My strange foray into the future. The comfort of having seen to this stuff ahead of time stayed with me through the uplifting service for Loran, through the internment service at the cemetery where I saw to Gram and Dad's graves and took another peek at my own, and on through the long drive home afterwards. How odd the things we do for those we love.