Dear Coach

I understand that you had a little talk with my son the other day. You insinuated that he was being a wuss by not practicing with the team despite a sprained ankle, that there was another boy whose leg was all shades of purple and black who was running like a trouper and fully participating. You denigrated the opinion of the doctor who told him to stay off it and ice it down and not play until it was in a better shape.


Might I suggest that your advice is not only out of date, but dangerous? Consider that professional teams have trainers and therapists to assist injured players. Where is your team trainer? My son was bold enough to tell you that he preferred following his doctor's advice and being able to play for the rest of the season and walk well throughout life than to risk permanent injury and you asked him if he thought you would steer him wrong. He was wise enough to just walk away. Good for him. He is more mature than I realized.


Yes, I think you are steering him wrong and I am not afraid to tell you so. Please understand that I am not one of those overprotective Moms who coddles her children. I have raised 5 sons, 4 of whom played sports. I believe participation in sports is valuable in teaching young men important lessons about life, and I do not baby them. I expect them not only to be upstanding men, but to be WISE.


The lessons in life that I find valuable don't include disrespecting the body God created and pushing yourself beyond reasonable limitations. I was totally aghast to hear you say at the sports banquet two years ago that you were so proud of two of your football players who removed casts from broken arms to play in a game and that they went against their mothers' wishes to do so - and you thought that was commendable!


If you are going to teach my son a life lesson through his game playing, then:

*Teach him to trust God to help him do his best and understand things clearly and be with him in his endeavors.

*Teach him to value each member of the team for who they are and what they contribute.

*Teach him to have the back of the players on his team and support the other players when they need help.

*Teach him to see his opponent not as the enemy, but as a necessary challenge to help him grow stronger.

*Teach him that the proper response to a play that didn't work is not to grumble and complain or make excuses, but to evaluate what went wrong, take the truth and change/learn/grow/do better next time.

*Teach him that when he makes mistakes, it’s not the end of the world. Own up to them, ask forgiveness, learn from them, and move forward without self flagellation.

*Teach him to play fairly, and when he is not treated that way, to acknowledge that life is not always fair and sometimes you just have to take your lumps and move on without malice. Other times the issue affects others as well and it may worth speaking out to be heard. Accomplish this through non violence.

*Teach him not to take himself too seriously, and to have fun and enjoy the game/life.

*Teach him that displays of anger and violence will not get you what you want. Caring about others is more important.

*Teach him that it takes a lot of discipline and practice to do well at life's undertakings.

*Teach him the importance of showing up on time every time and giving your all because others are depending on you. (This does not mean to your own permanent detriment, but within what you are able to give - professional trainers will tell you that "no pain, no gain" is an out dated, faulty and injurious attitude).

*Teach him that it’s important to have a game plan AND a back-up plan, and that these plans should be modified depending on what is being experienced - real time feedback.

*Teach him that you can trust God to be with you, strengthen you, and help you and still lose and that's OK.

*Teach him that it’s not winning that counts, but how you play the game.

There are a dozen plus quick ideas about what I would want for you to praise my son for and encourage him to be like as he grows into adulthood.

But teach him to play on an injured ankle because macho men ignore the God given warning sign of pain that tells you something is wrong in your body? I don't think so. Please don’t teach my son that. You got a problem with this? Come see me. We can chat.