Small Group

Although I had to drop out of my seminary core class this fall, I was allowed to continue in my Personal Spiritual Formation group. We have been together for all the Core Classes and the Dean felt it was important to remain in the group even though I would not be in the Core class. I am appreciative to be there.

It is a unique small group. We are most diverse in both denomination, age, character, gender, length of time being Christians and place of residence. We come from such a variety of backgrounds.

We are asked in this group to LISTEN to each other and to SHARE our experiences from our hearts. We do not respond to what we hear verbally, offer our advice or opinions, counsel or otherwise interfere with the life process of the person sharing. Everyone is given equal time to share how God is working in our lives over the past few weeks.

We are asked to pray for each other, and we also spend time in contemplative prayer and meditation together. It has become a very precious time of moving deeper into the things of God as God directs each one of us.

This week, I was so tired, but nonetheless, I knew if I went I would be blessed and I was so right. How uplifting it was to hear how God has been working in the lives of others, to hear how God has intersected in their lives in the midst of life's turmoils.

Everyone is dealing with difficulties from unemployment to stress on the job to hectic schedules to family demands to illnesses. But God has strengthened, God has enabled, God has given insight and wisdom, God has provided. It was very encouraging!

Plus I got to say out loud that I was struggling with terrifying fear and to identify not only what I was afraid of - the transition between life and death and not wanting to suffer or be alone therein - but also the wonderful insight God provided about making that trip through the valley of the shadow of death.

I had always thought it was my responsibility to conger up the courage to not be afraid while I was going through a facing possible death risky treatment experience. After all the verse says "I will not fear." But the Holy Spirit showed me that it is not something I do, but a state of being.

It works like this. God is with me in that valley, and God is very light of very light. His light is so bright that the valley, which I always thought was dark and gloomy and filled with shadowy hiding places for monsters and terrors and evil beings, is so illuminated by the light of Christ that I can clearly see what is out there, what is coming, and be prepared.

Besides it being as bright and clear as day, God is with me and able to defeat any foe who tries to come against me. It's really not as scary a place as I had always pictured it. It felt good to share that insight.

As well, I have been interested in learning about the "thin places" of the earth, those places where people consistently encounter the presence of God, places like Bethel and the high mountains where altars were erected. I longed to find a thin place for myself, a place where I would often feel closer to God, a place set aside.

The Holy Ghost whispered that the valley of the shadow of death is the thinnest place in the universe. If you don't feel close to the eternal there, you are in deep trouble! Not that I am recommending being there, but since I have found myself in that place repeatedly over the last six months, it is good to be aware that I always encounter a closeness with God when I find myself staring at a potentially life threatening situation.

And, a bonus, after group concluded, one of my classmates came over and gave me a blessing and prayer! She made the sign of the cross on my forehead and placed her hand on my head and lifted me to the throne of grace. An unexpected and welcomed kindness.

How amazing is it that God so arranged my schedule that I would have the blessing of small group the night before the most taxing part of my cancer treatment, the one I struggled with so much. I am surrounded by love and prayers and support. Fear is subsiding. Everything will be fine. Tonight, I will sleep peacefully. God is good.