No Lists

When I had chemobrain after the treatment for the rectal cancer, I found that a good strategy to help me function better was to make lists. That way, when my brain went into chemo mode, I would have something tangible to keep me on track.

Of course, chemofog didn't really come to my attention until after all the dust settled and I was back to work. That's when I found myself sitting at my desk staring at piles of paperwork, and knowing what I needed to do with each stack, but unable to figure out how to begin.

And multitasking was a thing of the past. I saved highly repetitive "scut" work to do on the worst days. Much easier to handle when your brain is on tilt.

This time, even though I am not completely done with treatment, I find two things happening. One is a frustrating little quirk where I know the name of something but can't quite say the word. Brain is fine, mouth is refusing to cooperate. So far it doesn't happen often. Let's hope it stays that way.

The other difficulty I am encountering is that making lists makes me angry. Turns out I don't need the lists because of chemofog, at least not yet, but I know full well that I will only have the energy to accomplish one thing. If I see a whole list of stuff that I need to do, it depresses me. I know I will not get things done, no matter whether I want to or not.

So I keep the list in my head without looking at it, and when morning dawns and I have the stamina, I start with the most pressing need (usually pretty obvious) and get that done, then rest a bit. When energy returns, I do the next most pressing thing. Far from ideal, but it works. Once in awhile something falls through the cracks, but for the most part, I get the important things taken care of.

Every chemo requires different strategies. Someone should write them down. I'll put it on my non-list.