Moving About

I am determined to get out for a field trip every day. Despite yesterday's physical demands, I have scheduled time to go to the library in the early afternoon. Morning does not bode well for getting out. I am still trying to get my feet down after the prednisone drop. Takes me longer these days to recover.

Despite feeling weak, I shower, dress, and convince Kiel to drive me in. I walk s-l-o-w-l-y from the car, wondering if it was wise to attempt a trip so soon. But I am not passing out, just weak and tired. Jello legs is not a reason to stop.

It is a tremendous shot in the arm to be in my office, to see people, to feel productive. The weakness passes. I get a second wind. Still, I do not stay a long time. Only an hour. Later I will be able to press myself, but now I am just working on not losing any ground physically.

It would be easy to get down on myself and worry that people feel I am not trying hard enough, not pulling my weight. After so long a time, surely I should be making progress and getting back into things rather than having a harder time even doing what I have been able to do.

I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing the best I can. I am not being lazy or wimpy. I find that difficult balance between pushing myself and trying to carry my own weight, and not pushing so hard that I upset the apple cart and set myself back.

Though it has been a long haul, I am past the halfway mark. Soon I will be done with the treatments and things will begin to improve. Maybe at some point I can do more than my fair share to make up for all the weeks of functioning at half speed!