Game Night

"Would you like some popcorn?" Such a simple question. Such a variety of answers. Nowhere in my job description does it say 'Operate commercial popcorn machine and hawk product.' Yet here I am standing outside the library, warming myself against the fall chill with the heat of a popcorn machine, doing my best to convince people to take something that's free. It was a tough sell.

Running the machine wasn't complicated. Plug it in, push four little buttons to the on position, snip open the coconut oil side of the package and slide the column of yellow into the hanging pan. Snip open the premeasured popcorn/salt side of the package and dump that into the hanging pan. Close the lid and wait about a minute while the bar went round and round the bottom of the pan to prevent burning. Voila! The banging and popping sounded like firecrackers going off, and the fluffy kernels bubbling up out of the pan, bouncing the lid around, spewing into the glass case like some kind of white lava. The familiar smell floated across campus, a veritable invitation to come check it out.

I am convinced that its not the taste of popcorn that makes people want it. It is the memory associated with eating popcorn that make people like the stuff. After all, its rather like eating Styrofoam drenched in butter (or in this case, oil) and salt. Yes, its supposed to be low calorie and high fiber, but invariably when someone actually took a bag, they would share with me the event at which they last had popcorn. Pleasant events - ball games, movies, family gatherings, dorm parties.

The acceptance rate ran around 50%. Some of it was related to the hour - our game night ran from 4 to 7, right over the dinner hour. Either they were headed for dinner and didn't want to spoil their appetite, or they were just coming from dinner and were stuffed. A few just didn't like popcorn (isn't that un-American?). More guys accepted than girls, but the girls were more emotional and expressive about taking it. "Ooooh POPCORN! I just love popcorn. Yummy yummy yummy yummy. Don't fill it all the way to the top though. About two-thirds. Hey (to her friends) come get some popcorn!"

At first I thought perhaps the polite 'no, thank you' might be that they thought I was selling the popcorn. I started emphasize the free part. I would say "Would you like some FREE popcorn? It's free." That only made one or two people change their minds. Then I realized we as a whole are developing a knee-jerk resistance to being approached by salesmen. I myself just recently in the mall was accosted by those obnoxious people affiliated with some sort of over priced beauty product sold from a cart in the median of the mall.

I was taken in by that once. A gorgeous young man with an appealing accent had convinced me to buy a product I had been on the lookout for anyway - a French manicure kit. It was pricey, but he had been so pleasant and well mannered and his accent so engaging. Perhaps there was in that accent both a touch of the exotic, a bit of mystery and adventure, a way to escape our boring ho-hum daily grind, and also some humanitarian appeal to help those from other countries who are probably a bit less fortunate. Americans are suckers for that stuff. Whatever the reason, I bought his product. I only took the basics, resisting all the extras he tried valiantly to sell. The kick came later when I saw the same twinkly blue eyed blond with the perfect white teeth in the food court scarfing down a burger with his friends, laughing and conversing in perfectly normal English sans accent, sans politeness, sans niceness. I had been hoodwinked. Bah!

So last week in the mall when the tall willowy blond girl smiled her bestest smile at me and asked, "Can I ask you a question?" I said "NO!" and kept on walking. I will not be taken in again even if I were interested in slathering my face with salt from the Dead Sea, which I am not (who wants a dead salted face?). I didn't look at her, I didn't slow down, I navigated out of there as fast as my feet could take me, totally ignoring her pleas of "No? But its just a little question, really." Really? I know all about psychological sales strategy. Sound innocent, get them to stop, prey on their politeness, start them out with a question they respond to in the positive, and set them to keep being positive when you ask them to buy. Not me, baby. I know you are only doing what you have been taught to do and you might not even realize the game you are playing. But I have earned a phD in resistance. Sianara.

I figure being rude is a kinder response than standing there playing the devil's advocate, arguing with their logic that they have been trained to use, or listening intently, agreeing to everything and then just walking away and not purchasing. I tried that strategy a time or two, but I felt sorry for the young people who probably work either for peanuts or on commission. Its as cruel to lead someone on as it is to deceive them.

I saw that saw tight-lipped, don't look you in the eye, hold your hand in a 'stop' position, walk away fast response from a few people who said no to the free popcorn. Mostly I think its just protective behavior. One or two told me they were allergic - that was a pleasant rejection. Maybe I should try that with the mall hawks next time. Sweetly look them in the eye, and in a syrupy voice, say "I'm sorry, I'm allergic to overpriced cosmetic products."

Regardless of the rejection rate, I gave out well over 300 bags of popcorn and convinced a fair amount to go inside the library and sign up for the door prizes. My reward was not just seeing go in, but hearing them on their cell phones as they came out. "You'll never guess what I just did in the library. I played a game of Mario Kart. It was great. Yeah, in the library. Its cool. Uh-huh."

All in all, a successful event. And the drawings for the door prize were well attended. When we finally got to the grand prize drawing, the excitement in the room was palpable. It was as if everyone were holding their breath. The first few names we drew were not present. But then we called out a name and the room exploded. They young man who won the hockey stick bounded forward to accept, his face one big smile. Yes, it was a good event.