Family Crisis

DJ seldom calls me in the daytime. He is a night owl, and I often find myself not answering his midnight calls because I am already asleep. He says a quiet hello, and I ask how things are going. He says, "Not so good." and I know something is amiss.

His wife Shannon's Mom has taken a turn for the worse. She has been struggling with cancer for a few months now, and I knew things were hard. Even though I have never met this woman, I feel for her agony. I have prayed for her, sent her a prayer shawl, a card. She battled gall bladder surgery, bedsores, nausea to the point of unremitting vomiting, and depression. Now a tumor has blocked her bile duct and her bilirubin count is climbing. They can surgically remove the blockage, but it will buy precious little time and make more pain and agony. Sandy has refused the surgery. Eventually the climbing count will bring the end.

The time has come for Shannon to go home and be with her Mom. My heart is aching inside, remembering hard days of my own. Shannon and I have had conversations about how cancer and chemo affect you, what the struggles require, how behavior changes.Wyoming is so far away. Travel is so expensive, so hard on young children. With Kelly not quite 2 and Katie not 1, it will be a grueling trip.

DJ asks for help with the expense. I do not have the means to buy them the tickets, but I can pray that God will work it out. We talk over all the different scenarios. Just Shannon could go, but her Mom won't get to see the girls one more time. Shannon could take one of the girls and probably manage to handle the stress. DJ worries that she will break down. There is no one to meet them at the airport and drive them the hour or more to the right town.

Shannon's Dad's health is not good either. DJ could go if they had the money, but he has limited vacation time left and can't stay long. And if he goes, someone will have to take care of the dogs and the goats. Maybe Kiel could come down and at least keep the house going. We agree to ask my sister for help. I have to go since I am on reference desk.

After I hang up, I start praying. Sometimes no matter how much you want to do something to help there just isn't anything you can do. I toss things around in my mind for hours. It makes the most sense financially for just Shannon to go. But this is a one time deal. I remember when my grandfather died I wanted to go home and be with Gram and the family, but I didn't have enough money to travel even by bus from Texas to NY.

We asked to borrow the money from the church, and they turned us down, told us that if it had been my father perhaps it would have made sense, but it was just a grandfather and we shouldn't stress our family trying to find a way for me to go. I swallowed my disappointment, but I never forgot how cruel it is to do what makes sense at a time when the heart is involved and eternity is brushed against.

Of course they should all go. Fortunately, my sister agreed to help make that happen. Kiel will help out. I will sit alone in Rochester weeping over a woman I have never met, praying for ease from pain, for God's grace to be intimately wrapped over this time, for healing and restoration, a miracle, a peaceful passing, the best for everyone, calmness, the presence of God, the peace that passes understanding, and above all, gentleness and kindness from every direction.