Connections

My friend is what I call a "sneaker" - someone who makes connections happen. She is a wonderful hostess and good cook. I have been to her place on several occasions, and was happy to be invited today for an afternoon of conversation and tea. She knows about my Jairus House endeavors, and she wanted me to meet some friends of hers who have worked in Hospice in Rochester for twenty plus years.

I was delighted to find them friendly and open, willing to answer my questions and provide me with the names of people I should contact to arrange for PrayerSong to come and sing for those who are dying of cancer. Of course, they reminded me of the delicacy of such situations.

Our society has become so protective of those who are dying. We must not upset them in any way. How different from dying at home alone, or even with family in the old homestead. What used to be a painful experience for everyone is "managed" now.

I remember when my grandfather was dying. Gram had been taking care of him night and day for some weeks. She was so exhausted. They did have visiting nurses come in to spell her, but she fretted about that and didn't really rest well. Near the end, he became demanding and difficult, and on the last long evening, Gram called her son to come stand watch with her. Gramp had fallen, and Gram had hurt her back trying to catch him. They were both in pain.

Loran and Esther drove down to Schenectady from Lake George, easily an hour away. While Loran sat in the living room with Gramp who was stretched out on his back on the specially rigged bed in the living room, Gram cried in the kitchen with Esther. His breathing came hard. Air wheezed in with great straining and rattled its way loose to get out. A few times they thought he had breathed his last, but he would suddenly take in another shuddering, raspy breath. How much he knew of his surroundings was impossible to know. He could no longer speak, so it was impossible to know whether he was in pain or not.

There were no wonderful goodbyes, no chaplains, no music, and little hand holding. It was brutal on the dying and difficult for the living. Hospice tries to ease the passage, letting family members know what to expect, encouraging them to take advantage of every minute before things get too bad. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. There are so many variables. That's what my friend's friend told me. You have to go with what is happening, every situation is different.

Will PrayerSong be able to add some dimension to such a scenario? I don't know. I suppose it does depend on the circumstances, the state of the patient. But I am willing to explore, willing to try if it will in some small measure help. While vastly different from singing of hope to those struggling to live, its all part and parcel of the picture. We shall see what develops.