Tomorrow

First, I'd like to thank *everyone* who sent me ideas about and links to funny stuff. And it really is funny stuff. From Victor Borge to Dudley Moore to angels by kids to Garrison Keillor to PDQ Bach! I am so happy to have more stuff to laugh at. And my card wall is growing - thank you to all who are sending me cards (-: It makes going to hear what the doctor has to say tomorrow a bit easier, knowing how many people are praying for me. Is it twisted theology to think that the more voices that lift your name in prayer, the more likely God is to answer? I suppose so. But it's encouraging anyways.

Tomorrow. I like the sound of that word. I hope I will be able to use it for a long time. There are no guarantees, of course. But wouldn't it be nice to take for granted that you will do something tomorrow? That you of course will experience the milestones in life - the births of your grand children, the day you retire, the weddings of your sons. That tomorrow you will learn a new piano piece, finish knitting that afghan, see your primroses bloom, whatever.

For me, tomorrow means that at long last I get to see Dr. Schwartz (should a cancer doctor have the name black?). At least I don't have to spend the morning thinking about it. I have meetings and deadlines and commitments at work that have to be attended to. Perhaps that's good. And don't think I don't appreciate the fact that I am upright and walking and able to eat real food at the moment. I am grateful every morning that I can sit up unassisted and dress myself. I know there may be days ahead when I might not be able to say that.

But tomorrow - tomorrow - I will hopefully get the game plan. I have not reminded Drew that I will see the doctor tomorrow. He is happy not thinking about my stuff because what happens with me makes his life tricky. I heard two people the other day debating whether they would want to know if/when they were going to die. One didn't want to know, he preferred just living a normal life and being surprised. The other felt it was important to know because you could spend time making sure everything was taken care of and you were ready. You could do things with the people you love that they would remember fondly after you died.

I thought about it a bit, and I prefer to just live every day as if it were my last one on earth. That way, you are ready whether you are facing death or not. Rather easier said than done (one look at my office will tell you that!). Anyway, I refuse to think on it tonight. I have a solid night of deep sleep planned and I'm not going to pass that up! So - I will see you all tomorrow. And with the best of news I hope. Later.