Thursday, May 3, 2012

On Not Quitting

Sometimes students have preconceived ideas about paper topics. There is something that has 'gotten their goat' so to speak, and they have already formed an opinion or designed their answer. So when they come to the desk, they know what they want to say, and are just looking to find articles that agree with their idea. Unfortunately, in almost all of these cases, there is either little to nothing which supports their point, or all the evidence overwhelmingly supports the opposite of their opinion.

A student approached the desk convinced that she could find lots of articles that said what she wanted them to say. We looked. Nothing. A few things that were close to her topic, but nothing direct. I tried another tack, and still came up dry. I discussed her ideas a bit more, listening carefully to see if I could state the topic in other terms. A few ideas surfaced and we searched with the new terms. Still nothing. We had been at it a good 2 hours. I am ready to call it quits.

I was about to turn her back to the professor to see if there was a related topic she might pursue, but she was unwilling to give up. She pressed me. I was impatient and tried to explain to her that not all topics have been researched and written about. She could not hear me. Her face was filled with hope and expectation. Surely I could work magic and suddenly make this work for her. She had limited time. I fight the urge to send her on her way. I asked if she and the professor had explored the topic at all, and she said they hadn't found anything and that was why the professor sent her to me. Gulp.

OK. I take a deep breath and broaden the search parameters to see what might come up. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I am beginning to think this is like the question I got from a student who wanted to find statistics about how many tattoos had been done in the Rochester area over time (!) as if someone out there were keeping a chart. Not happening.

Then a tiny little word comes up in one last ditch effort. Like some unlucky treasure hunter, I jump on the word and follow it down a rabbit hole. It leads to another little word, then another and slowly, ever so slowly, we begin to find some articles that, while not presenting themselves as addressing her topic, mention it in passing. A sentence here, a paragraph there. It's not much, but at least it is something. Another hour later, I *finally* find an entire article that relates, and a few more that give some chunks of information.

I keep looking at the student to see if she has enough yet. She is faithfully punching the printed articles and adding them to her organizer. We keep going. I find an entire article, but it is too old to use. I follow the citations forward and find two more that are helpful. She finally says she will begin with what we have found, and see if they lead her anywhere else. We stop, but I invite her to return if she needs more (all the while secretly hoping she does have enough). I applaud her for her persistence.

A week later, I run into this student and ask after her paper. Her face lights up and she smiles big. The research turned out to be exactly what she needed and led her in better directions. She discovered a whole other world beyond her own thinking and experience and broadened her position. Once she did that, it all fell into place. She is writing the last few pages and will turn it in soon. Whew! Glad I didn't quit when I wanted to!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Failure

When the enterprising student came through the library selling tickets to a fund raising event to help send students on a missions trip, I was happy to comply. I bought a ticket both because I am in favor of the mission trip and because I really like StickyLips BBQ! I was looking forward to a delicious dinner to tide me over on a Wednesday evening while I am working at the reference desk. I pictured a quiet repast in a sunny spot outdoors in the gorgeous weather just before going on duty.

Best plans often go awry and tonight was no exception. I got caught up working with a student and had no time to pick up my dinner much less eat it before 5 pm rolled around. No problem. Drew is coming in to do some school work and I can ask him to go collect my dinner. Of course, that means I will be sharing my dinner with Drew, but that's OK. Its always more than I can eat, and includes things I can't eat like corn. I am content to share.

But then, I am at the desk working with a student who I know is financially pressed. Moreover, she has had a challenging life and has gone through more in her short number of years than most people endure in a lifetime. Drew approaches the desk and tells me how great it smells out there with the BBQ. The student next to me goes crazy and starts talking about how much she wants BBQ and how hungry she is and how she tried to get a ticket but couldn't and how she begged them to just give her a taste. It is an outright plea for me to pony up and get her some BBQ. She is practically drooling.

But I only have one ticket, and Drew and I were planning to share. There are no more tickets available because the student already asked. They have just enough for the ticket holders because they already sold their excess. I kibbutz. I argue with myself. I am horrible. I am unwilling to extend a hand of mercy. I am hungry too. So is Drew. But I know in my heart of hearts that I can go home and rustle up a meal when I get off duty. I am not so sure the student can. I think she probably can, but I know what it is to be poor and unable to afford good food.

The opportunity is gone before I have a chance to finish working through my dilemma. The student has to leave. She exits the front door of the library and I am ashamed of myself for withholding when it was within my power to do something about a situation. I want to call her back and hand her the ticket, then send Drew for something else, but it is too late. She is gone.

Dear God, forgive me. I am so sorry. All the while Drew and I are sharing dinner, I am heavy hearted. I am the rich man ignoring the beggar Lazarus. I am stupid and hard hearted. I agonize over it for some time. I could have fed Christ, but I turned him away. And for what? A touch of heart burn and a few minutes of tangy tastiness. I didn't even hold out for 30 pieces of silver. I have such a long way to go.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Jim's B-Day


Hats off to my little brother (who isn't so little anymore!). Today is his birthday and he has decided to take the day off from taking care of Mom to explore the Queen Mary which is docked in Long Beach, California at the moment. From the pictures he posted on Facebook, it is a spectacular ship. I am glad he got a bit of a break. I know it is not easy dealing with someone who is old and sick and grumpy and adrift. Even though it is not 24/7 care, it is tiring day after day to be confined and basically at someone else's beck and call. After awhile you lose your patience more easily not to mention the boredom.

So happy happy birthday. You are an exceptional brother and I forgive you for all the scraps and fights we got in when we were kids. Giving up your livelihood and income and freedom and choices to care for your Mom who needs family right now is an amazing sacrifice that speaks volumes about the person you are. Celebrate well!