Catching Up

Plunge in with both feet. Now that I have met my grandson, I need to focus on work. There are so many aspects to think about. Back to desk duty. Back to meetings. Back to handling all those little questions that arise in the course of a day. Back to music and singing and choir. Back to writing and reading and research. Back to friends and praying and patients. Back to appointments and procedures and exercising. Back to driving and cooking and cleaning. Back to papers and walking Sugar and getting the mail.

How grateful I am that I am able to live! How happy to have a fulfilling life and lots to occupy my time. How great is it that I have family and friends and colleagues? What a blessed and fortunate person I am to find myself in the midst of a productive and pleasant way of life. I settle in with joy, not minding the tiredness. Just thankful that I have moved beyond immediate danger and into a place of recovery. To life!

On the Road Again

No chance to make the return trip in a 2 day way. I need to get back and so does Kiel. Besides, the rental car is due. We leave later than I would have liked to, but manage to find the way I wanted to come in the first place. It is shorter and involves more super highway driving. I am worn to a bare thread and grateful I do not need to drive. Every turn of the tires takes me farther from my babies and my heart is sad. I already miss them terribly, especially the baby. The trip home is without incident. I return the car, unpack and fall into my own cozy bed for which I am ever so grateful.

I am glad I went. I have some sense that I will not be able to go for awhile - not sure if bad weather is on the way or I just won't have the resources to go. I want to wave a magic wand and be able to see them much more often, but I have no magic that can eliminate the miles between us. Maybe it is just as well. Our visits are all the more special because they are so far apart. Now I must focus on regaining strength so I can pick up where I left off. Thank the good Lord for a wonderful trip and for three darling grandchildren whom I treasure greatly.

Spending Time with the Girls

Today, after getting my fill of baby Elijah, I wanted to renew my acquaintance with my grand daughters. Kelly is getting so tall, and Katie is much more grown up. They are quite the young ladies, and have definite ideas about what we should do. Kelly read to me and I was delighted with her vocabulary and grasp of how to sound out words. Katie went into long explanations of how sometimes she does one thing and sometimes she does another. I barely had a chance to talk with their parents, but I rarely get to see these children. The disadvantages of a long distance relationship.

We go out to eat, and they step up to the counter like perfect young ladies who know exactly what they want and smile charmingly at the young man behind the counter. Better keep an eye on those two! They will be popular with the boys with their shy demeanor.

I ask them to trace their hands for me - a secret project as I am working on wool mittens for Christmas presents and want them to fit well. Time flies and before I can take it all in, I am kissing them good night and hugging Elijah tightly, trying to create a solid memory for when I am away and will not be able to smell his wonderful babyness or touch his velvet skin. Good bye, darlings. I know this trip was short. I felt a driving need to come even though I could not stay long. I will come again as soon as I am able. Meanwhile, write me. I will write you. I promise.

Meet Elijah

First we found a comfy hotel and checked in. Then we called DJ and made arrangements to come to his place. As I walked in the door, the girls shyly greeted us. I wanted to give them their presents right away, but Kiel thought we should give them some time to get used to us. Then suddenly Elijah made an appearance. I was handed the little blanket-wrapped bundle of peacefully sleeping grandson and my heart immediately melted.

I sat on the couch only half aware of what all was transpiring around me as the girls warmed up to our presence and unwrapped their presents and did crafts with Andrea. All I could do was stare hungrily at Elijah's face, marveling at his perfect little eyes and nose, listening to his steady breathing, touching his tiny fingers, feeling the warmth of his body against mine. His heart beat against my heart. I shifted his position to my shoulder, and he sighed with great contentment.

What a wonder babies are! How amazing their calm acceptance of all the change in their world. The girls' squeals of delight and play did not disturb his calm. I could sit this way forever. But too too soon it was time to tear myself away and let this family get on with its bedtime preparations. As I relinquished this little boy to his parents, I felt bereft and utterly exhausted. I knew sleep would come easily and quickly tonight. I will dream of him, and renew my prayers on his behalf and for his sisters and parents. Aren't grandchildren wonderful?

Halfway There

I don't trust the GPS. I want to avoid that nasty I95 corridor without ending up on country roads. But the darn thing is not taking me the way I want to go. Kiel wants me to stop fussing, so I end up giving up and resign myself to arrive when we arrive and hope for smooth sailing that won't take forever to get us there.

They play their music and I had planned to listen to st olaf choir on my phone but the car we got from the rental company didn't have any convenient jacks other than the one the gps was using, so I ended up making the best of what was far from pleasant for me. Oh, well. Never mind. I am headed to see my grandchildren, and I can put up with back seat discomfort for a day or two.

Darkness falls, and Kiel wants to keep pushing. Andrea and I want to stop, but not having made advance reservations, it takes us awhile to find a place. We are all tired, but the buzz and hum of the car keeps us rattling until it finally faded from our bodies so we could rest. The hotel was none too great, but it was inexpensive and the beds were comfortable.

I was worried that I would keep everyone awake with my constant cough, but I think other things were factors in disrupting sleep. Good thing we have no particular deadline. Sometimes a trip will be what it wants to be and nothing you do can move it along. I am grateful for a place to get in out of the traffic and rest. Tomorrow will bring me hopefully to NC in one piece ready to be with the kids.

Getting Ready

Time to go visit my new grandson! I have not been able to make the trip to NC in over a year now, so I am as excited to see my grand daughters as I am to meet my grandson. It all happens so quickly I barely have time to find substitutes for my responsibilities here. People are gracious and understanding.

I rent a car and pack a few things. I cannot leave until after church on Sunday, and I plan on only driving until I am tired, then stopping for the night. Drew is disappointed that he will not be able to get away from either work or classes, but Kiel and Andrea will go with me. Drew agrees to sleep at home so Sugar will not be alone, and a good friend agrees to come in the afternoon and walk her and feed her. All set.

I whittle away at my homework so I don't miss any deadlines. It is hard to focus on the readings. I end up going to bed early to get as much rest as I can. Here I come, Elijah!

Composition Classes

'Tis the time of semester to work with the writing classes to show them how to use the library resources to locate books and journal articles needed for their papers. I love to work with them and am always happy to see the light come on as they figure out that its not all that difficult to find what you need. You just have to know where to look.

The challenge is to remember what I have told each class because there are multiple sections. Every class has a flavor all its own, and I try to aim my pace and tone at what seems to work for the particular group in front of me at the time. I have my checklist of what I will cover in front of both me and the students so I don't forget any of the pieces. Sometimes I have to talk fast to get it all in. Sometimes I get a lot of questions. Sometimes I can skip over pieces they already are familiar with.

The best class so far was the one with all the sports players in it. They began by saying that the library was a puzzling place and they didn't understand how to find what they needed. With that as the starting point, I asked them what they wanted to know how to find and rearranged the whole presentation to fit their open honesty.

Best part was after class, three of those adorable young men came up and thanked me personally. They said that up until my lecture, they had pretty much avoided coming into the library. But now they feel like they can navigate in here and are hopeful of finding good resources for their papers. I was so overjoyed! I invited them to come find me when they are starting and promised to help them for as long as they needed help. Yahoo! What a great class.

Card Delivery

I have been collecting wonderful cards all summer. We had a Saturday morning card making event where even more cards were made. Yesterday, I took all those cards and all the knitted and crocheted prayer shawls (7 in total) to the volunteer coordinator for distribution to cancer patients - a little something to cheer their dreary days. Normally, PrayerSong would distribute them, but this fall the choir is not functioning (my own fault - I just haven't the umpfh to do it).

I woman I met with was stunned at the cards. She started reading them (I think just to make sure they were appropriate) and started to cry. Then she began planning how to distribute them. Through social workers, through the volunteer carts, through the nurses - she immediately saw their value and impact. There were cards for so many unique sectors: children, men, older, younger, moms, singles - the gamut. Themes varied from sentimental to rainbows to flowers to rugged outdoor scenes. All of them were packed with good wishes and hope. Hope. That is the main necessary ingredient.

As I headed out the door, she looked up at me and asked "When will you be back and bring more cards?" I told her we have a day planned in early December and I would bring more then. I pray every recipient will be uplifted and blest. Meantime, back to the design table!

Chair Massage

Wilmot Cancer Clinic is now offering free 15 minute chair massages for their patients. All you have to do is sign up. So I did. By the look of the sign up schedule, not too many people take advantage of the service, but it is new. I am sure it will gain in popularity. And these therapists are specially trained to help cancer patients, so I know I will not end up damanged.

My therapist invites me to kneel on her special chair, which you sort of mount like a horse and rest your face on a special cushion. I take a deep breath even before she begins. She plays relaxing music with nature sounds in the background. At first touch, her hands are delightfully warm. I don't know how she keeps them so warm during the massage, but her touch is firm yet gentle, bringing a sense of relief and enjoyment. Up and down my arms, across my neck, over my scalp and deep down my back she works methodically and gently, first on the right side, then on the left side.

It feels wonderful. I had not realized how tense I was until I started to relax. It is as if she and I are one and my body releases its hold on muscles that are wound too tightly. All too soon the time is up. Others are waiting. I thank her, and she tells me of an organization that is committed to helping cancer patients. She gives me an application. If accepted, I can work with the masseuse of my choice and get 6 one hour massages for free. Wow! Bonus!

This is definitely something I will share with others. In a world of hurt and pain, it is a blessing indeed to be freely given a healing caring touch.

Meeting Day

I love and dread days when my calendar is a solid block of colors. That means meetings back to back to back. There is hardly space to take care of the little things that normally crop up in the course of a day. The plus side is that I get a lot done. The minus side is that I am exhausted at the end of the day. The challenge is to stay as fresh and focused for the last meeting as you are for the first meeting.

I break my rule of no caffeine after breakfast and sip iced tea straight through until after my normal 3 pm slump time. The meetings are indeed quite productive, and I am happy to walk away with minimal action items for me and lots of promises from others to take care of things that have been hanging out there for awhile. How delightful to have people on board who get it! They are willing to move beyond daily operations to improve work flows that will make the daily operations run more smoothly. Yeah!

Chime In

This morning I awoke to the sound of a whooshing wind. The chimes hanging on my porch are dancing wildly creating a maelstrom of clanging sound. I peek out the window at a world gone autumnal. No blue skies and puffy white clouds today. Bits of paper and leaves skitter across the lawn, as if driven by demons. Sugar snuffs and sneezes and rolls her face in the grass trying to escape the wind.

I wonder if my neighbors resent the tinkling of my chimes. Lost of my neighbors have wind chimes on their porches, but the wooden ones don't make loud sounds, and the bells hardly move in the turbulence. Only my chimes laugh merrily with the breeze, like school children laughing and cavorting about on a playground.

It took me a long time to select my wind chimes. For months, I rang every wind chime I saw in the stores, wanting to find a sound that was both harmonious and at a pitch level I could resonate with. I finally found this set in an Amish store in Illinois. And even then, it was the last set they had hanging up. I rang every other set first and was not convinced that I would want to listen to their sounds over any length of time. But this set, this was a keeper. I knew immediately that this was the set for me. It was just the right size, rang in just the right octave, had the right brilliance without being piercing and sharp. The metal tubes were carefully tuned and nothing was flat or dull.

I know most people don't bother listening to wind chimes before they get a set. It is the idea that appeals. But then, perhaps they don't really hear them ringing often, especially if they hang them where there isn't much wind. I must admit, today is the first time my set has rung so wildly, and I am happy for it. Have a chime ringing day!

Errands

Normally, I do not do errands on a Sunday. Today though, these errands were things I wanted to do for other people. Mostly little things. I hadn't planned it, but suddenly, they just unfolded one after the other and I just went with it. Talk to this person, get a gift for that person, take care of a detail for another person. Deliver something for someone else. Before I knew it, the afternoon had melted away and I was surprised to have been away from home so long. I headed happily back to my place, knowing Sugar would be miffed at having been left alone so long. But it was worth it to do all those things that require time and attention, resources of which I never seem to have an abundance.

I spent the rest of the day relaxing and thinking about a few more people I would like to bless. Perhaps next week. In the meantime, I decide to have strawberry crepes for dinner. Just as soon as I walk sugar and pick up Drew from work and take him back to school. He is getting closer to having enough money for a car, and has called around, checking to see what is available. My hope is that he gets things set before the snow flies! Which judging by the temperatures lately, could be soon.

Card Making Event

Today 18 people gathered at the fellowship hall at the United Methodist Church where I work. I am so blessed that a number of the women in my church are stellar card makers and are willing to help me with a card ministry to cancer patients. They came and brought friends and created pre-made kits so that new card makers could do something spectacular. They brought cards they had made or collected over time and piled them on the tables as good will gestures to the event.

What a marvelous time we had, sitting around the tables, chatting and making cheerful messengers of encouragement to send to people in the infusion center. I am amazed at the creativity and the wonderful, professional cards we generated. In only 4 short hours, I had 260 cards to take to Wilmot! What a great event! The best part, other than the fun and fellowship, was to hear many of the card makers say that they are happy to have a reason to make cards.

All the materials were donated and shared. The center table was loaded with bits and scraps and stickers and glue-ons and ribbon and lace and every imaginable kind of decoration under the sun, plus tools to use like scissors and colored pencils and stamps and ink pads and cutters. Several people came with suggestions for sayings that could be written inside the cards. I am purely delighted with the whole morning's activities.

Today's theme was fall. Lots of leaves and pumpkins and squirrels and acorns and scarecrows dance across the cards. Our next meeting will be December 1 - another Saturday morning - and will have a holiday theme. Save the date and join us here if you can. If you are too far away, invite your card making friends to a time of creating cards that you can donate to your local cancer center. They are most welcome envoys in a dreary and pain filled world.

Friday Flowers

One of my colleagues has a wonderful flower garden at her house. She heard the weather forecast of a hard freeze, and knowing that the flowers would not last, she picked them all and brought them to work, inviting us to take them home or put a vase of them in our office. How gorgeous these flowers are! I thanked her profusely and made up a bouquet for my office. They are so cheerful and bright! I thank her for sharing and for thinking of us. What a lovely gesture.

Car-razy day

Kiel's car broke down and had to go into the shop for repairs. Poor baby had to bike to work yesterday and today. So my car is now the sole transportation for me and both my boys - and getting everyone to work and back when needed is a bit tricky!

My calendar is filled with pick up boy x, drop off boy y! Rochester is not transportation friendly. Buses don't run this far west of the city, and even if you can get to a place where they run, you have to go miles out of your way to get to the right place. Even then connections don't match up, leaving you standing for hours waiting for the next bus to appear.

Taxis are pricey and mostly don't come this far west either. No doubt about it. The Northeast is simply not commuter friendly. I loved living in places like Champaign Urbana where the buses went all the right places at all the convenient times (of course, it was faster to walk and I often did - get exercise, but most things were all within a 5 mile radius). Big cities offer good transport, if sometimes through less than desirable neighborhoods.

One of the reasons I moved closer to work was so that if I were really stuck for a ride, I could actually consider walking in an extreme emergency. It's only 3 miles. Hopefully it does not come to that, but I think I better start looking around for a newer car. I had tremendous help finding Baby. Hope I can connect with as good a vehicle as Baby has been. She is beginning to show her age - burns oil and is in need of brakes again, so knowing that I am the back up plan for others, guess I better do some planning.

I've looked at solar powered and electric cars, but there does not seem to be a good option yet on that front. If you have suggestions or ideas, let me know. Won't be making a switch any time too soon, but if the right deal came along, I could be persuaded!

Getting Shot

I have been tired of late, and I know why. It is because I am due for my Vitamin B shot. I did get my levels checked, and they are in the middle of the range - neither high nor low. But I sure feel it when I am getting close to shot day. I am happy to load the syringe and cleanse the area. I do not hesitate to plunge the needle into my leg. Sometimes getting shot is a good thing.

Still, I noticed that even this close to needing my shot, I had a productive day. I hung a few pictures (still moving in), vacuumed, ran the dishwasher, and was not totally done in. This is a good sign. I continue to pray for recovery and strength, and I am seeing signs of that. 'Bout time!

Flowers for Elijah

I ordered them as soon as I heard Elijah had made his appearance in this world. Ordered them online from a place I have used before. Took me some hunting to get all the information about the hospital into their form. But they were not excited about the arrival of a new grandson, and they missed getting the flowers to the hospital while she was still there.

I was disappointed to get their email asking for alternate delivery information, and even more disappointed when they informed me that they would not deliver them until a whole week after my little darling made his entrance.

Today I got a text that the flowers had arrived and were appreciated. I guess one is always happy to get flowers. I know I was always happy to be blessed by flowers after all the angst and pain of thrusting a new life into the world.

The beauty of God's creation still moves hearts and brings joy today, after all these years of pleasuring the human race. It never gets old, even if the bouquet is delivered late. Happy belated birthday, sweet boy. I hope to come see you soon.

Love, Gramma Esther.

Clear Skies

Tonight as I stand waiting for Sugar to do her business, I lean back and gaze up at the clearest sky and pinpoint stars. It is one of those magical evenings with fog rising in the little valleys and low areas. In the distance, a train whistles and the nearby bushes rustle as some creature scampers off into the woods. Tonight is a night when anything might happen. I almost expect to see Halloween costumed children wandering about and the Great Pumpkin rising out of the swamp marsh.

I remember the night the boys and I visited the University of Rochester's Mees Observatory and gazed at tremendous heavenly bodies and spectacular lights. The best part was wandering up the hill in the dark accompanied by skinny flashlights to where the telescope was housed and climbing the steps while the Aurora Borealis flickered briefly and thinly overhead. There were a couple of shooting stars to enthrall us while we waited our turn to peek into the eyepiece. I went back over and over for a peek at the great beyond, half disbelieving that it was real.

Tonight it is as if the heavens came down to reveal their secrets without prompting, eager to draw me into their grandeur. Sugar growled, sniffed, and trotted off, totally uninterested.

Invitation to Preach

I am honored and humbled to have been asked back to College Green to preach. I  have spent time seeking what God would have me share with them.I have to say, I don't know how preachers deliver God's word week after week - it is a challenging thing to speak into someone's life. After much deliberation and several false starts, I finally ended up with the following:

What Would You Ask For?

Tonight we are going to explore together how to get the things you need. We all have needs, right? I do. I’m sure you can think of things you would like to have. So let’s talk about getting stuff. I’ll warn you in advance. This is an interactive sermon and from time to time, I will be asking you for the answers, so pay attention. You might want to take notes. I don’t have all the answers, but together I think we can come up with some good ideas.

Let’s begin with something simple like getting groceries. Have you ever had to get groceries? How do you get groceries? First you have to figure out how much you can spend. Then maybe you make out a menu, and you list what supplies you are out of – my Mom had a whole patter I can still remember: bread butter salt pepper milk sugar tea bags juice meat potatoes vegetables and salad!

Then you drive to the store, you fill your cart, checking off things from your list and adding in a few niceties. Not too many. If you are like me, you keep a running estimate of the total in your head. If you are like my sister, you keep a running total on your calculator. After all you have a budget and you do have to be careful. You look wistfully at the pot roasts that run a good $50, I remember Sundays at my grandmothers when pot roasts were weekly events. Those days are long gone. You leave the pot roasts where they are. Then you go stand in line, waiting your turn to cash out. It’s a whole big process. You need the right place, the right people, the right resources.

Let’s say you were getting groceries. You did all the things that had to be done, and now you are standing in line waiting to pay. Suddenly you hear a rumor that the richest man in America, Bill Gates is in the store. According to Forbes, he is worth $66 billion. You’ve heard the stories about his generosity. You know he has given large gifts of cash to people who ask for help. You think about that pricey pot roast. You look at your heaped-up cart, think about the balance in your check book. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone helped with the groceries this week, you think.

You see a large group of people over in the produce aisle and head in that direction. You get a crazy idea. Maybe Bill Gates will give you some money to help with the groceries and the mounting pile of bills. You rush toward the produce area, calling his name. “Mr. Gates! Mr. Gates!” People around you are frowning and giving you dirty looks. They shush you.

You know you will likely never have this chance again. You have nothing to lose. You yell louder. “Bill! Bill Gates! Help me!” You can hardly be heard over the noise of the crowd. You jump up and down, waving your arms, frantically trying to get his attention, yelling “Bill! Bill! Over here!”

Quickly a hush falls over the crowd. Someone pushes you forward. “He wants to know who is calling his name.” You find yourself face to face with the richest man in the world. He is focused on you. He smiles. He says very kindly, “What do you want me to do for you?”

And you say –  [wait for responses].  This is the interactive part. This is the part where you tell me the answers! Remember, this is the richest man in America. This is a man worth $66 billion. What would you ask him for? To pay for your cart of groceries? To pay for a pot roast?

OK, maybe this scenario sounds a bit too far-fetched to happen. Let’s hear the story of a man who had just such an encounter.

Mark 10: 46 (NRSV) [see also Luke 18:35-43 and Matt 20:29-34] As [Jesus] and his disciples and a large crowd were leaving Jericho, Bartimaeus son of Timaeus, a blind beggar, was sitting by the roadside. ⁴⁷When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout out and say, ‘Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!’ ⁴⁸Many sternly ordered him to be quiet, but he cried out even more loudly, ‘Son of David, have mercy on me!’ ⁴⁹Jesus stood still and said, ‘Call him here.’ And they called the blind man, saying to him, ‘Take heart; get up, he is calling you.’ ⁵⁰So throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. ⁵¹Then Jesus said to him, ‘What do you want me to do for you?’

Picture this scene. Jesus and his disciples and a huge crowd are walking along, going from the city of Jericho to Jerusalem where is he about to go on trial for his life and end up being crucified – the whole reason he came to earth – the most important thing he will do. It’s hot and dusty and noisy. Animals are braying and children and shouting and laughing.

Here’s this guy sitting beside the road begging. He is dirty and smelly. He is poor because he is blind and cannot work. He is just going about his usual business of trying to get the stuff he need, to get the groceries, if you will. Suddenly someone tells him Jesus is coming his way. He has heard the stories about Jesus, how he has done miracles. Heard he even healed another blind person. He knows this might be his only chance to get help from Jesus. So he begins yelling for help. “Jesus! Jesus! Help me!” He doesn’t even know what direction to point his cry.

The crowd shushes him, but he cries louder. “Jesus! Jesus! Help me!”  Now why did those people try to silence him? What do you think?  [wait for responses – this is where you have to think]

What was Jesus’ response? He stood still. Imagine that! He stops what he is doing, as if Bartimaeus is a very important person, and calls him to come forward. Jesus heard him despite the clamor of the crowd, despite the distance between him and Bartimaeus. He took his focus off what was coming and made time to be with Bartimaeus.

It makes you realize that all it takes to get God’s attention is for us to call to him. Jesus hears our hearts even when we don’t even cry out loud. He is very attuned to us and wants to hear our call. And he draws near when we want to ask him something. He loves to be with people, loves to listen to us.

Do you know, really know, that God hears you when you call and will stop and listen to you, no matter how much noise and interference there is, no matter what time of night or day? Do you realize that God does not consider us to be unimportant or a nuisance.

Jesus says, “Bring him to me.” Call him over here. Let him get closer. Bartimaeus could have sat at the edge of the road and pouted. I don’t want to go over there. And if he can’t or won’t heal me, what’s the use? I’ll just keep sitting here in my misery and try to make the best of it.”

But NOW the people want to help him. They encourage him to go to Jesus. And maybe he needed the extra push to figure out where Jesus was and get there.

I can’t help but think that Jesus was moved with compassion for this blind beggar who was desperately calling his name. I think he knew what was about to happen, and I think he was smiling.

When we are in the midst of our brokenness and can’t see the light, but call out to God for help, I think it delights him no end. He joys over us because he knows what can happen, sees what is coming, realizes how the change will affect our lives. He loves to bless his children and see that we have the stuff we need.

We often forget that the closer we are to God, the closer we are to his power and his love, the easier it is for him to help us. When we sit at the side of the road in a mess, tangled up with all sorts of ungodly stuff, it takes more for God’s love to reach us and his power to deliver us. There is a reason we are constantly encouraged to read the Word and pray and do those spiritually formative things. It draws us closer to God, and helps us be the person God intends for us to be.

So in our story, Jesus looks right at Bartimaeus and says  - -  “I see you are blind. Come here and let me heal you.”  No! He says “What do you want me to do for you?”

Now why in the world did Jesus say that? After all, he is God. He knows everything. And even if he weren’t God, surely he could see that this man is blind. He must know that the man wants to see! He certainly knows he is more than able to heal the blind. Why didn’t he just say – “Ah! I see you are blind. You have come to the right person. How wise of you. Now, I am sure you are interested in being healed.”

Why would he say “What do you want me to do for you?” That seems like a no-brainer question. Tell me why he would say that. [wait for responses – time to think again]

Could it be that Jesus saw much more than just a man who was blind? Was he trying to draw this man into a conversation? Did he want the man to negotiate something beyond mere eyesight?  

How often do we let one aspect of our experience define who we are? It would be easy for many of us to see ourselves in a narrow way. I’m the student flunking math. I’m the person with cancer. I’m the retired person. I’m the old person. I’m the broke person. I’m – whatever is most troubling us at the moment. But Jesus sees us as whole, sees all of us.

Just imagine you are Bartimaeus. You are standing before Jesus, desperate for something that would make your life better. What would you have said if God looked at you and asked you ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ Think about that for a moment. If you stood before God Almighty, and he was willing to give you anything you asked for, what would you ask for? [think about it]

Back to our story, what does Bartimaeus ask for? “The blind man said to him, ‘My teacher, let me see again.’ Why do you think Bartimaeus asked for sight? [wait for responses – think again]

And what happened after Bartimaeus asked? The Bible tells us – ⁵²Jesus said to him, ‘Go; your faith has made you well.’ Immediately he regained his sight and followed him on the way.” He got what he asked for!

Many people would never have had the courage to call out for help in the first place. I applaud Bartimaeus for asking. Sometimes I think my problems and needs are too small and too petty to take to Jesus. Or I think he wouldn’t want me to have it. But Jesus puts no restrictions on what we can ask for, does he?

Other people would have stopped the moment the crowd shushed them. They would not have known whether they had the right to pester God with their puny problems. They would have been more concerned with what other people thought of them than with the opportunity to get help.

We do that too, don’t we? We let someone else tell us what is appropriate for us to ask God about. But I can go to God myself and if what I am asking for is inappropriate, he will let me know. And at the same time, without condemnation, show me a better way.

I think Jesus would have actually been willing to do much more than just heal Bartimaeus’ physical sight. But Bartimaeus didn’t ask for anything else this time. Jesus didn’t argue or negotiate. No, he just healed him. He was willing to meet Bartimaeus’ need to see, even though he could have done much, much more than just heal his blindness.

I think Jesus knew that over time, Bartimaeus would adjust to his new sight, and come to realize that he was dressed in rags and that his life could be much fuller and much happier. I think he hoped that Bartimaeus would come to him with more needs.

God is so much more capable and caring than we are able to realize. Jeremiah 33:3 tells us to call out to God and he will answer us and tell us great and unsearchable things that we cannot even begin to imagine. What a wonderful promise. God does want us to ask for help. He answers us when we call. God is far more creative and capable than we realize and he has answers to questions we don’t even know we should ask him. Most of all he loves us and wants us to be happy.

As I think about my own life, my own situation, I realize I, like Bartimaeus, can call out to Jesus about whatever is troubling me most. We get so used to putting up with things that we forget we have an advocate with the ability to do something about our less than ideal circumstances. We forget that God wants us to come to him and talk with him and lay out our hearts before him. We just put up with irritations and inconveniences and don’t even bring these things to God. We turn into grumpy whiney beggars rather than taking our needs to the one who can help. We miss out on so many blessings because we don’t ask. The Bible tells us that we don’t have what we need because we don’t ask. (James 4:2) We are encouraged in John 16:24 to ask, and we are promised that we shall receive, that our joy may be full. Are you full of joy? Has God been meeting your needs? Have you been asking?

The good news is that Bartimaeus joined the crowd and followed Jesus. He stayed close to Jesus and that is the right place to be to continually be blessed by God and to continue to learn those great and unsearchable things. Be encouraged to bring your requests to God and be uplifted by his response in supplying all your needs.

Lord, remind us that you are always more ready to listen than we are to pray, more ready to give than we are to receive. Help us to ask that we might receive that our joy may be full. Give us sight and insight that we might continue following You closely.

Amen.

True Love

Two members of my chime choir have been flirting with each other for awhile now. It all began with a little note tucked into a music folder and led to heartfelt talks over dinner, long walks, and a sweet proposal. Love is difficult enough when you are young, but when you are middle aged, it is all the more rare and challenging. Yet this couple brings hope to all those of us who are older and single. I truly looked forward to this wedding because these two people know full well what they are getting into and are going there anyways.

I never saw a more radiant bride, a more humble groom. Truly, she just glowed with joy and happiness. What a treasure it must be to find a companion when you thought you would be alone for the rest of your life. Their joy wrapped her two daughters into the midst of their love and included them in every aspect of the wedding. Two daughters never looked more delighted to see their Mom remarry. I don't think bigger smiles exist.

My son's wedding was a picture book wedding, but this was a fairy tale story come true. The looks of adoration and tenderness freely flowed all evening. I was entranced, caught up in the bliss. There is hope. I even got in the bouquet tossing lineup (didn't catch the bouquet, but that's OK). And what fun the reception was! I loved chatting with friends at the table, laughing at the glass clinking calling for kissing (and ran to get chimes to ring just to augment the fun), seeing them take such delight in greeting family and friends, watching the daughters coax the unwilling on to the dance floor, dancing - it was a wonderful magical evening to remember for long nights to come.

I did not stay to see the happy couple off on their honeymoon ride to a cozy B&B in Ithaca. But I did rejoice with them as they enter this new chapter in their lives. I wish them many years of happiness - all crammed with the sweetness and joy of this their wedding day. May it never fade.

Leaves Galore

Fall is surely here. I haven't heard the official report, but I think this weekend and maybe into next weekend will be peak color season for our area. The yellows have brightened and the oranges and reds shimmer vivid against the blue of the sky. There is just something about encountering fallen leaves as I walk across campus. I can't resist shuffling my feet through the small drifts that blow over the sidewalks. I smile at the thought of the Peanuts cartoon picturing a lollipop plastered with leaves and a distraught Charlie Brown saying "Never jump in a leaf pile with a wet sucker."

I recall we kids raking huge piles of leaves, not to bag and remove them, but to jump into them over and over and over, laughing and rolling around, unmindful of the brown rustling leaves stuck in our hair and clinging to our jackets. We did our best to pick out any hurtful sticks, but it didn't seem to bother us that a small pile of leaves was no cushion against the hardness of the ground. The moldy earthy smell that made your nose sting was no deterrent either.

What did we see in the game of leaf pile raking and jumping? It was hard work for a few seconds of fun. Back in those days, we burned our leaves, right there at the curb of the road. The smudgy smoke left an acrid smell in the air and made it difficult to breathe, but that was the smell of autumn. Mold and smoke. And the leaf dust crumbling into everything - your shirt, your shoes, your socks. I wonder I didn't pick leaf bits out of my sheets for weeks afterwards!

Children nowadays don't jump into piles of leaves. Even if we didn't vacuum and shred them into bags, they would not find this a fun thing to do. The smells are definitely not acceptable much less the dirt. Nevertheless, those are great memories. I can still hear my brothers and sisters laughing, hear the crackle, rustle and swoosh of the leaves, smell the dank earth. Our last hurrah before the snow and cold drove us indoors for winter. I think I am in the mood for a little hurrah.

Field of Geese

Yesterday the farmer with the huge corn fields along Buffalo Road harvested his crop. When I drove by both in the morning and at lunch time, on my way to work, there were big combines and dump trucks and various other farm equipment parked along the road. The field on one side of the road was already mowed down and they were working on the other side. I wanted to pull over and watch for a bit, but the dust they were raising seemed a bit much to battle.

This morning, on the way to work, the field on the right side of Buffalo Road seemed dark. I wondered briefly if the reapers had come back and removed the corn stalk stumps, but on closer inspection, I realized that the entire field was covered with geese. What a majestic sight! There were hundreds of geese sitting calmly on the ground. Just sitting. Not eating or preening or squawking. Just there. I wonder what the attraction is for them. Perhaps the lure of the rich dark earth?

I half wished they would take to the skies while I was watching. That would have been an incredible sight as well. But they just sat there, oblivious to the traffic speeding past. What a glorious way to start an otherwise foggy gray day!

Port Flush and Prayer

Today I had a port flush scheduled to keep my apparatus in good working order. Add in the bloodwork ordered by my primary doctor to check B levels and sugar levels, and a trip to the finance office to settle accounts. Good thing they give parking validations.

I run my various errands, completed the lab work, and was headed out the door when I glimpsed a sign for the Interfaith Chapel. Curious. How often have I come here and not seen that sign before? I would be interested in knowing what the chapel is like. There is a meditation room (aka closet) in the infusion center, but it would be nice to know if there is a more robust facility that could offer something a little more comforting. I follow the signs.

I turn down one hall after another. I am beginning to wonder if I will get lost in the catacombs of the sprawling institution. Perhaps I should drop breadcrumbs? Then I realize I can follow the signs back. Though they are a bit few and far between. In good faith, I just keep walking, surprised when I find myself passing the entrance to Miner Medical Library. Goodness, I must be halfway across campus by now!

Finally, I turn one more corner and find myself in a wood paneled hall where the entrance to the chapel sits. I enter and the room is inviting. The ceiling is vaulted like a church might be. There are comfortable seats, a piano and an organ, a small platform and several tables. At the front of the room is a huge mosaic of Psalm 23 that sprawls the full height of the room. By the entrance is a small table with pen and paper where you can write a prayer and leave it. Along one wall chairs face the wall, like the wailing wall in Jerusalem. At the back of the room another table offers small prayer stones that can be prayed over and either dropped into a jar or taken with the pray-er.

Yes, this is a sacred space at least for Christians and probably Jews. I am not so sure about other faiths. But I am comfortable here. I read the notices of the services offered weekly. I am glad to know there is a regular schedule. I sit for a moment in the silent room, absorbing the peace and praying for a few people who come to mind. It was worth the long walk. And on those days when I am less able to navigate, I suspect I could call for the cart to transport me there and back.

Today I do not need help. Today I navigate back to the main lobby under my own steam, grateful for having discovered this beautiful chapel and determined to put it to good use as often as I am able. Now, where do I go to sign up for those free chair massages?

Elijah James

3:50 AM. One hefty 9 pound 2 ounce 21.5 inch bruiser makes his quiet way into the world. The nurses are a bit concerned that he isn't breathing quite right, but they suction him good and whisk him off for "processing." I think my father would be pleased to know his name lives on, even if not as a first name. I did wake to get the text, then rolled over breathing a prayer of thanksgiving and drifted right back to sleep. Meeting him will come later, when things at his place have settled down a little. For now, everybody needs rest. Well done! A Gillie if ever I have seen one.

The Call

My son called earlier to let me know that his wife has been ordered to bed because her blood pressure is too high. Probably because of the pregnancy. She had a doctor's appointment today, and there is no change, so they have decided to admit her to the hospital and induce labor even though the baby is not due for another week.

I start praying immediately. Induced labor is always stronger than natural labor. I wish I were closer to help with the girls. My son will have his hands full trying to take care of everyone and still be there for the birth. He rushes home to care for the livestock and replenish the girls' activity bags. After a hurried meal, they head back to the hospital. Things were a bit delayed because the doctor got called away for an emergency. But things are starting to happen. Regular contractions. The work has begun.

I leave my phone on, ready to answer. I am hungry for information, but I know they will call when there is something to report. I remember my own labors and births and feel just a tinge of envy that is quickly doused by reality. Having a new baby is grand, but what a lot of work follows! Not to mention the pain and the tether.

I give up at midnight. They will let me know. I text my son to tell him to call me no matter the hour. He says he will. I am surprised that I can sleep at all, and for awhile, wake every so often to look at the clock and pray. We shall see what tomorrow brings.