Moving Day

Drew and I do not think alike at all. He is patiently enduring of my ideas, but not necessarily committed to following them. I am willing to work with him, but concerned that this move will not be smooth or straightforward. He thinks like an engineer. Everything is compartmentalized and logical. I think like a musician. Everything is sequential and fits neatly together in the big picture.

I want to start with the bathroom and my bedroom - the rooms both most necessary at the end of the day and the farthest from the door of either place. Expend the most energy earliest in the day, leave the easy stuff for later when you are tired and don't want to trip over stuff to get all the way into the apartment with heavy stuff.

The only thing we agree on is that the big stuff has to wait until evening when my sister has agreed to allow us to use her van. Perhaps it is best that Drew's new job decided he should work 9 am to 2 pm. Now we have no choice but for me to begin where I am able given my strength and energy limitations and for me to go as far as I can on my own. Thankfully a dear friend heard of my plight and came to the rescue, working alongside me (and dancing circles around my slow plodding determination) to help me. Without her, I would have been sunk.

By the time I pick Drew up from work, I am ready to quit and he is ready to go. I stay at the new place and put stuff away, emptying boxes for repacking. They keep working. My friend is a blessed dynamo of energy and a good sport. Imagine doing such demanding work out of sheer kindness! Before I am ready to realize how late it is getting, Kiel and Andrea come to help, then my sister. We all work long into the night, they taking care of the last few things after I have collapsed into bed. We managed to get everything out, leaving only the cleaning to be done. How fortunate I am to have children willing to help, not to mention friends! And someone to take care of Sugar while we move so she will not be underfoot. I recognize how blessed I am, especially in this day and age of isolation and family separation. So many older people are alone. I am glad not to be.

After a hot shower, I settle in to my new bedroom, scrunching down in the clean sheets and listening to new noises. The air conditioning unit outside my window rumbles when it kicks on. The train whistle I could hear from my apartment 2 miles away is louder here, but more cheery. I hear a thump or two of feet from my neighbors who live over me. The front door skrawks as it opens - Sugar whines a bit, but settles close to me, her eyes darting about the strange place, her nose sniffing the air.

I am too tired to drink it all in tonight. I will gradually absorb the newness as I settle in. Tonight, I unwind intentionally and soon drift off, thanking God I have the opportunity to live in such a nice place with so many benefits and closer to work. Imagine a laundry right in my own apartment! Imagine a private entrance with no stairs. Imagine central air and white woodwork and a shiny new kitchen. Imagine everything laid out close yet open and filled with sun. Imagine the beautiful landscaping and the green lawns and the marshy area nearby with lots of wild flowers and I am sure, wildlife. Yes, I am lucky to be able to live here and will enjoy it for as long as the blessing lasts.

Project Wrapping

I have been working on a short history of the library for several years now. Somehow the picture of how the library came into being and developed over time has been clear as mud despite my good research into the archives here, despite talking with my colleagues who have been part of the library for over 40 years. I have been hammering away at this project, and am now facing a deadline to get it finished.

I create a document timeline with what I understand to have happened, then invite the two long time librarians to my office to finesse both the timeline and the narrative. As we talk, the mud begins to clear. Events start to make sense, and the sequence of events that led from a donation of a handful of books to a collection of over 130,000 items plus online resources in a magnificent new building finally comes into focus.

It helps that there have only been 2 Library Directors in the history of the library. It also helps that early on there was a slow and gradual curve of growth and change. During the last decade, the information explosion and the technological revolution have certainly sped things along, and I find I am mentioning many more innovations over the last piece of our journey than in the beginnings.

Like an excited kid learning to ride a bike without training wheels, I am able to release my colleagues, confident that I can finish filling in the required information to make a coherent and trustworthy history narrative and timeline. Just in time. The deadline approaches.

Pain in the Neck

Oooowww. Poor baby. Drew woke with his head locked to the left. He tried bravely to get going despite his pain. But it was just no good. He rarely ever gives in to pain, but today he cannot get moving in time to go to church. I am unwilling to leave him. We try Advil, ice packs, biofreeze - but he is still in agony. He tells me to go without him, but I just don't feel comfortable leaving him alone to defend himself. He assures me several times that he will be fine and I should just go. I hang around a bit, but finally decide to go on. I will be late as it is, but at least I can request prayer for his healing.

Sometimes a person's pain is as difficult for others to deal with as for the person experiencing it. I would gladly do whatever I could to help Drew. I know when I am not feeling well, he would gladly fix things for me. It is true what my research is uncovering - pain is a community experience. Sickness always affects many more people than the one with the symptoms.

We do not have enough public praying for the sick and hurting. Yes, we do pray, but we do not always tell the hurting people how much we care about what they are going through, and how much we want for them to be well. And we do not always acknowledge how many of us are hurting, or realize how often afflictions trouble us.

My heart is assuaged as my friends at Community of the Savior express their concern for Drew. I am reassured that God, too, is working to heal Drew, especially hearing his name mentioned out loud during prayer time. When I return home, I tell Drew that they prayed for him and how many people expressed their good wishes for him to recover quickly. He relaxes. He is beginning to feel less overwhelmed by the pain.

We call the chiropractor and arrange for an early morning appointment. He had this acute torticollis before. The doctor tells him to switch to moist heat - no ice. I know I cannot protect my children from life's aches and pains. I wish I could, but I can't. I can continue to pray for him and do what little I can to let him know I care and am working to help him recover. Meanwhile, I try not to laugh at him watching a movie with his chair facing the windows 90 degrees to the left of the screen because he can't turn his head straight. Ooowww. Poor baby.

Paper Pushing

OK, the reading, the eye strain, the mind bending philosophical discussions are complete. The postings are made, the reflection papers graded. All that remains is to write the final papers. And I have been working on that. I am running out of time faster than I want to admit. The end of August is flying at me so quickly I am fearful of not having all 3 tombs written and proofed in time.

The frustrating part of writing is finding enough isolation to bury myself in the resources so I can mix and mingle, think and construe, and then apply all that process to the requirements listed. Just when I think I have the right approach, I realize it does not meet the criteria, and I scratch it all and go back to the bin to muddle my hand around in the soup awhile longer, trying to pull out the choice chunks of sustenance for inclusion in some hopefully coherent thesis.

Today, I bury myself in my office long before the building opens. I just have to make some progress. There are many things on my calendar that will prevent me from such focus, so I grab the empty time chunks everywhere I can.

I spread out on every possible inch of desk and counter top. There are stacks of open books three deep just about everywhere I look. How do I stitch all this together? Can I let go of the fascinating stuff and relegate it to some footnote so that I can get to the real meat? There is no other way. Four hours wasted on one little point, all to realize it is not worth including in the main paper.

I push my notes this way and that, trying to shake out the right content. I recall this fact, where did I read that? Back to the original book to trace pages until I find the words I seek. Yes, there it is. I can cite this as authentic. I learned long ago to footnote as I write. What a nightmare to cite after the fact!

I sort, resort, push things around, wring my brain out, type, delete, retype, delete, copy, paste, rearrange, write more, rethink, test it out, read out loud. It is like trying to carry a 3 cushion couch up a mountain of rocks. I am getting there, but it is hard work - slow and laborious. After 7 straight hours, I am finally unable to think any more. I wrap up a few little details, track down a few stray citation pages, and call it quits.

I am getting there. At least on this one!

Meetings Galore

My calendar looks like a patchwork quilt. Lots of red squares for reference, blue squares for meetings, green squares for project work, plain squares for miscellaneous tasks. Normally, there are little breaks between appointments, but today is one of those continuous multi-colored days where I barely have time to breathe! Who said summer was downtime? We are working frantically to get all the projects and planning completed, hire a new employee, clean out electronic files, organize, dust the collection, fix the broken stuff, collect the statistics - you get the picture. Try to smooth the path so you won't have so much on your plate once the semester begins. Whew! I will be glad to have a day off next week to move in. At least that day is entirely purple for out of office, even though there are still a few appointments there (which I shall happily ignore). Hooray for summer.

Vetting Sugar

Usually Sugar adores riding in the car, especially when we end up at the park, the groomer's or the vet's. Today she just whined the whole trip, then behaved badly in the waiting area of the vets office, barking sharply at everyone who came through the door. She paced nervously, cowered and shook, jumped up and down from the wooden bench seats, and all around was a pain. It was all Drew and I could do to keep her contained. She would only tolerate being close by and stroked for short times before she was off on a rampage.

I was really concerned that she would be so crazy the vet would not be able to get anywhere near her. Imagine my surprise when we were called to the examination room, and she went docilely, jumped politely up on the scales, and proceeded to allow the vet to poke and prod and fuss with her teeth and her eyes and give her a shot and take blood - all without so much as a whimper! She sat prim and proper like a cultured young lady, glancing knowingly about as if she did this everyday. Go figure. She is in great health other than a bit of a heart murmur which we will watch.

Back in the waiting area, it was another story completely. She was back to feisty and complaining and straining at her leash. I sent her to the car with Drew while I took care of the bill. Maybe I should go back to daytime appointments instead of evening ones. Apparently the rowdy crowd comes out at night. Meanwhile, continue the flea and heartworm treatments and come back next year when her rabies shot needs updating.

Goodbye, Piano!

I have been blessed for five years to have had the loan of a friend's upright piano. It has stood me in good stead as I planned my recital, practiced my choir music, played Brahms and Chopin to settle frayed nerves, worked out PrayerSong repertoire and played piano duets. It has helped me through chemo and radiation and distress and weddings and moves and all kinds of life issues.

But now I am moving to a smaller place, and I must bid adieu to this delightful upright that has graced my living room. My friend's son is now in his own apartment, and will take it with thanks. I still have an electronic keyboard that will fill the bill, but of course it is not like a real piano (even though I can turn the volume down and play to my hearts content regardless of the hour). Besides, what with this horrible chemo cough, I can't sing worth beans anyways. Two notes, cough, two notes, cough, two notes, hack up a lung. You would think I had TB or something.

No, I shall never give up music, even if I can't sing. Music will ever swirl in my soul until the head is no longer connected to the heart. Thank God for the gift of music. I try my best to sing Psalms every morning, even if it is just in my head. Farewell, beautiful instrument. I hope the rest of your journey brings people as much joy as you have brought me.

Surprise!

I am still pretty exhausted and now I have added in a painful hiatal hernia area. Boo. If I wasn't tired enough, the touchy tummy drags even more out of you. My day is unfolding slowly, but I know I must save some strength for "Tuesdays with Esther" - my evening card making venture at the library. I now have over 200 cards to distribute in the fall to cancer patients at the infusion center. I know these beautiful hand crafted 3D envoys of hope and cheer will bring smiles to faces.

I never know how many people will come. Some days it is just me and one other person. Other days we have a dozen people. It has never been just me, but tonight I tell myself that if no one else shows up, I will lie down in the break room until Drew gets back with the car. Nevertheless, I am delighted when 2 people come and we chat and create a half dozen cheerful colorful cards filled with good wishes of comfort and better days ahead.

I admit after all is said and done that I am more than ready to go home and collapse. Imagine my chagrin when I discovered that Drew, bless his heart, had packed part of the living room and moved things about. Yes, it certainly needed to be done. Yes, I am thrilled that I didn't have to even ask him to help. Yes, we are running out of time. But tonight I do not want to have to reorient myself and have to hunt for the means of comfort I so desperately need. And he dumped me off and left to run errands. Poor boy.

My dismay shows on my face. Where Drew was expecting a big thank you, instead he got an 'oh, no! What have you done?!!' I tried to take it back, but it jumped out of my exhausted mouth before I knew it was coming. Some surprises are better tolerated in the morning after a steaming mug of tea. This was one of them. I sink into the rocker, near tears and try not to have a total breakdown. I tell myself I am being ridiculous and that I am lucky to have a son who will help me. Lots of sons pay no attention to their mothers.

By the time Drew returns, I have wiggled stuff around so I can sit and relax and be at peace. Now I just have to find a way to make it up to Drew.

Beyond Tired

I open my eyes after a solid night's sleep complete with fewer than normal bathroom trips. I went to bed early and didn't get up when my brain first engaged. I should be well rested and raring to go. Instead, my body does not want to move. This is not the reticent "I just wanna sleep in" kind of tired. This is the "there's no way I am going to be able to coax any movement from my muscles" kind of exhaustion. I have this from time to time, but usually somewhat closer to a chemo.

I cast about to try and think if there is anything that might be causing this particular bout. My theory is that my poor liver has been storing all the toxic chemicals during these past years of treatment, and once in awhile, the bin is full and it spills over and dumps stuff into my system. Either that or the liver senses it is now safe to slowly release some of this garbage without damaging my interior further.

Whatever the cause, there is no help for it. I have meetings today and I force my weary bones to move, to trudge through dressing and walking the dog and preparing breakfast and lunch. Ah, yes. It does occur to me that with the car sharing I have been forced to stay at work all day and not go home for lunch where I can relax. Perhaps that plays a role.

And tonight is a girls' night out. I refuse to think that far ahead. I am just too tired. I can barely muster enough uumpf to blink and swallow. I know I do not have a physically demanding job and can spend part if not most of the day just sitting at a computer, but the mental exercise does drain your strength some. Fortunately, my brain does not seem to be affected. Just the body. I move slowly, but I move. My muscles respond with that burn you feel after you have run a thousand miles and the oxygen recovery isn't happening.

After a satisfying dinner with friends at Brook House, I go home and climb in bed. I sure hope this passes. I have a move coming up. Ah, well. It is what it is.

Celebrating with Friends

Drew's Graduation Party! A time for his friends and family to congratulate him on his closing one chapter in his life, high school, and beginning another, college.

What a hoot we had putting together the picture board and remembering all the little stories of his growing up. I had forgotten how blonde he was as a little kid. I forgot how little he was as a little kid! Maybe because he was the youngest or maybe because there's 9 years between him and Kiel, he has always seemed like he is older than his years. We just expected him to act like his brothers, and he did. Still, Drew was very particular about what he would allow other people to see. None of the pictures when he was a bit pudgy. Nothing with odd faces or little kid antics. Everything must be filled with decorum and portray him in the best of lights. I smile because this is typical Drew.

I was touched by the turnout. So many people came to wish him well. Drew is an endearing young man. I think he could easily be elected to some office if he had a mind to do that, but he would not be good at the political machinations side of it. He has lots of friends and  treasures each one of them. People from Robotics, soccer, high school, church, neighborhoods and family all came. I enjoyed hearing tales of his exploits - some of which we can laugh at now but at the time must have seemed not so funny.

Thanks to help from several families at church, we were able to put on an excellent spread complete with nice decorations. There was a poster to sign, festive blue balloons, flowers, crepe paper streamers, and of course, the cake fresh from the Wegmans bakery. How wonderful that people were comfortable hanging around chatting, interacting, being together over plates piled high with pulled pork, pasta salad, chips, beans, fruit and other assorted yummies.

By the end of the afternoon, I was so exhausted I went home and to bed even though I really didn't do all that much. Drew went out with his friends. I am so happy that he was blessed and had such a great time. I am grateful for the help in pulling this off. I could never have done it on my own. Thank you to my friends for taking care of the details and working so hard to allow Drew such a wonderful event.

Seems like Friday

But its not. Its Saturday. Still, Drew and I rise at our usual time and head out the door to work. He to the driveway work, I to the office to work on DMin papers. I have a reference shift from noon to 4 anyway. This is good. So many people are out of work. The experts may be saying we are in a better position, but I just don't see it yet. Our organization is watching every penny, downsizing everywhere possible, and predicting a slim season. I don't think this economic situation is over by any means.

One could hope with an election upcoming that the party in power might see fit to ease our struggles by way of seeking votes, and indeed, gas prices took a temporary bob downward for all of a week or so. But they are once again on the rise leaving us with finding creative ways to deal with less purchasing power and strategizing about what to cut next. Thank the good Lord, I have always had what I needed when I needed it. I have every faith that will continue no matter how bleak the picture. And I fully realize my responsibility to extend a hand to those around me in need. What I have is not mine to hoard, but only there for sharing.

May God give me the grace to be faithful in generosity and up to the task.

Yahoo!!!

Drew got a job! Hallelujah. After weeks of pounding pavement and distributing resumes and calling to check up on applications, he finally got hired. Dunkin Donuts extended him an offer. Yes, there was competition. Yes, it is late in the season for someone to be hiring. But he got in! Truth is, most of their current employees are college students who will be returning to distant campuses within the next several weeks, so they are in essence gearing up for the change over. Since Drew will be attending locally, and since they seem to prefer college students, he had the right criteria. What a relief.

Now I just hope he can hack it. The company that owns this particular DD is called Indy Industries and they own a number of franchises in the area, including hotels. They told him there was lots of opportunity for better positions if he works out. The downer is that they don't even pay minimum wage until you have worked for them for 90 days. I wonder how they get away with that! But the manager told him that if they see you are a good worker, they promote you to minimum wage sooner (that just sounds incredibly wrong to me). Some people get there in a few weeks.

Things sure have changed since I was a kid looking for work. Peon jobs were plentiful and you could pick and choose. I have worked every kind of thing from retail to fast food to hotel to laundry to you-name-it. Scrubbed floors, had private customers, ran errands - whatever it took to bring income. Not that Drew hasn't been working. Between lawn care and finishing a driveway, he has kept busy. Apparently we need to buy him a couple of white polo shirts to start out. Then once he earns his "wings" they will give him DD apparel. As for the transportation part, I believe the bicycle is back in action. Happy happy hired day.

Ala Virtual Conference

Nice to be able to attend a conference from the comfort of your own office. While the first day of this particular conference wasn't very applicable to academic library work, it was interesting to learn about things I had not yet encountered - like MakerSpaces (places where groups of people get together, rent an old warehouse and create collaborative workspace centered around something like a laser cutter or a 3D printer - have you seen these yet??? Pretty amazing that a computer can create an object out of plastic or ceramics from a digital set of instructions!). Also saw the concept and design of a brand new library in Aarhaus, Denmark to be built in a harbor area where old and abandoned warehouses had existed. Stellar design that plans to embed all kinds of services on beyond books.

I caught up on the latest research from Pew Internet about how people interact with information and I have to say it is delightful to hear that librarians are being encouraged to think out of the box in ways I have been saying for years. Today's presentations are a bit more practical - but I am still being exposed to resources that are new to me - like Pinterest and libraries moving into internet publication business of social and local writers for income generation.

Also heard about the book behind the beautiful forevers" - a journalist lived among the poorest section of the city of Mumbai to write about how they got into their situation and how they are blocked from making any progress both by the upper levels and also by their peers. Very interesting read. By Katherine Boo. Check it out! And now, back to the conference to learn about better customer service ventures and making YouTube info literacy videos.

New Poem

I got one of those random emails inviting submission of a poem for a contest. Why not, I thought. What could it hurt? Last time I submitted a poem to a contest, it got published - on the first page of an anthology no less! This contest is for online publishing. I looked at the site (narrativemagazine.com) and found lots of activity by published authors. Not sure if this is legit, but I decided to give it a whirl. Here is the poem I wrote. I have no idea whether this is acceptable to the wide world of poets. I read their stuff and find it obtuse and puzzling. My poems are neither. At least not to me. So this is likely not up to their standards, but it would be interesting to see what they think of it. Who knows? See what you think. I give you . . .

Winter

If only I had known that summer was so short

I would have lain on warm sandy beaches for days, listening to pounding surf;

Played Frisbee golf every time my friends invited me;

Licked chocolate soft ice cream cones every day.

If only I had realized the change in the air,

Seen the warning of falling leaves,

Known that time was fleeing,

I would have floated in the swimming pool longer, listening to birds calling each other;

Taken lots of leisurely languorous walks with my darling dog;

Picked bountiful bouquets of beautiful flowers.

If only I had seen the coming frozenness of winter

I would have grilled pounds and pounds of strip steaks,

Let the juice of munched-on watermelon run down my arms and off my elbows,

Crunched butter drenched corn off steaming cobs,

Bitten deeply into bursting tomatoes, fresh and sun-warmed from the garden, dirt and all;

Luxuriated in lazy long walks with my lover,

Kissed softly and lingeringly, hands lightly brushing. 

If only . . .

If only I had known.

 

Portent of Things Pending

The air is dense and pungent, laden with expectation of rain yet strangely minus any low lying dark clouds. The cloying spice of cloves from the petunia bed mingles with the bracing freshness of someone's aftershave and the gagging putridness of rotting garbage from the dumpster nearby. Sugar sneezes and wipes her face in the bristly brown grass. 

I hurry her along, concerned about being caught in the impending promised deluge. It seems as if the air is so saturated with moisture that the excess will wring out at any moment. Even the birds chatter unhappily, struggling to accomplish their morning ablutions before the flood begins. For once the weather people are on target, predicting scattered showers today along with 99 degree heat.

I remember summer mornings like this at Gram's. She would stand by the kitchen window, wiping her neck with her apron and clucking her tongue. "Gonna be a scorcher." The chickens in the coop raised dust clouds and protested barometric pressures that set them on edge. And we waited. All of us. The whole world, faces to the sky, waiting. Waiting for those first precious drops, the harbingers of relief. The magic of storms that would wash color back into dehydrated scenery.

And when it finally came, Gram and I would rush out onto the back lawn and twirl around with arms outstretched, licking the splatters from our faces and laughing and whooping until we sank down exhausted on the porch steps under the little lean roof and watched life come back into the world.

I pat Sugar, hoping today will be one of those days, wishing I could reassure her that this will pass.

Empty House

It doesn't happen often. The parking lot in front of the library is nearly deserted. Only 2 cars in sight. One belongs to the person who is opening the gates this morning. I swipe my ID card and enter the back door, shocked by the darkness. I can barely see my mail slot to determine if I have anything to pick up on my way to my office.

The main lights are on and I settle in and check IM to see who is in today. Almost no one. There are only 3 of us. Everywhere I look, dark and empty offices greet my eyes. A lone student slumps at the front desk, weary from rising early to be here, a steaming cup of coffee at her elbow. Not a single patron in sight. Not even a glimpse of anyone wandering about on campus.

Ah, a quiet day. Perhaps I can get some of those long standing projects addressed and off my to-do list! I treasure days such as this. They don't happen often. I determine to make as much progress as I can before the dam bursts and we are back to crazy as usual.

Keep Stepping

What I really want is a nap. A nice long nap. I know we will head for church a bit early because Kiel is going with us and we must pick him up. After church, I need to order the cake for Drew's graduation party which is next Sunday after church. Then Kiel needs to go to the Apple store and drop off his computer for repairs (which is why he went to church with me because it will save him some gas). Then we need to make a special birthday dinner for Andrea complete with present (which I still need to get) and dessert (she craves raspberry kuchen). Then we will watch a movie together (turned out to be A Thousand Words - it was OK). Then Drew wants to have a friend over. Then it will be time to walk the dog.

Shoot. There is no down time scheduled for today. What happened to a day of rest? Someday my life might actually be mine to live as I wish. But then, I would be alone and what good is that? So I just keep stepping, doing what comes next, grateful that there are people in my life who need me and are willing to do things with me. Naps can wait.

Chiming Away

I love planning exercises that will help my ringers be more comfortable with music - reading and playing. This workshop will focus on rhythms. Not only will we play the chimes, but we will do body percussion and percussion instruments. I bring my set of hand drums and my cowbell (which is a marvelous metronome that can be heard over the chimes). I open all the windows and turn on all the fans and turn off all the lights.

Our exercises begin with the basics, a review. Remember to count out loud. Remember to damp when appropriate. First whole notes, then half, then quarter. We work through various time signatures and keys. Then off to the drum circle to do clapping, snapping, patting and stomping - all patterns that will show up in the pieces we will play. We work with drums, each person assigned a different pattern so we get comfortable doing something other than what our neighbor is doing. We count. We and the 'ands' and 'e uhs'.

We watch other chime and bell choirs play. We think about what is most appealing. What should we be working on (smiling, being engaged, being less metronomic looking while attaining rhythmic accuracy and unity). We break for lunch. We ring chords for familiar hymns. We play familiar pieces we performed recently. We do more drum stuff. More body percussion. We mark new music. We play through the new stuff. Not bad. Not bad at all. We get a sneak peek at more things to come. A good workshop despite the heat. We are well on our way to a stellar season.

Water Water Everywhere

We are officially in a drought. At least, portions of our country. Rochester is affected - you can tell by the yellowed browned grass in most places. While we are fortunate to have avoided the triple digit temperatures for the most part, it is a dry summer. Radio announcers tell us how to conserve water (please don't water the brown grass - it will spring back with the first rain. save your water for the important stuff that won't make it otherwise). Even the car is demanding more coolant these days.

Today is a day riddled by water. First, I managed to remember to schedule a port flush. I keep forgetting that between chemo treatments I need to have my port flushed in order to keep it cleared and working well. I knew I had to call, but just put it off. So busy. But, like my argument with Drew that you have to make time to take care of things like checking the oil in the car or else find yourself in a pickle somewhere when it is the least convenient, I know I must do this.

It is an end of day appointment. I meet - for the first time in the infusion center - a male nurse. He is a riot. Full of jokes and wise cracks. We hit it off immediately. I am in and out in minutes. But I am so parched that I break one of my cardinal rules. I am so dry that I don't think I can even make it to the car where my tepid (alright, probably downright warm) bottle of water waits. Besides, I want something cool. So I help myself to a plastic cup of water at the water cooler in the lobby. Usually, I avoid these like the plague because of germs. But today, I stand in front of the cooler in the now deserted lobby and drink cup after cup, the cooling water trickling through my system with needed relief. I must have been down at least a quart.

Refreshed, I head for the church to set up for tomorrow's chime choir workshop. I know this will take me several hours at least, and I know that the building has no air conditioning. It will be a challenge. I keep the lights off and lay out the 12 folders, stripping them of last season's stuff, then organizing, copying and refilling each one. The sweat drips off my face in steady streams. Then I set up the tables and the drum circle, having to cart chairs from the far end of the building. Sweat runs down my backs in streams.

I find myself parched again, and break into tomorrow's bottles of water I have placed in the fridge. I twist off the little plastic cap and guzzle like a newborn greedy for sustenance. I drain the whole thing and reach for another. Ah! Renewed. Now I pick up Drew from work. It is beginning to rain, a drop here and there. By the time we get to Wegmans it is pouring to beat the band. This is the only time I have to get the rest of the supplies for the workshop.

We sit for a few minutes, hoping it will let up. It shows no sign of relenting, and we are both happy for the rain. There is no help for it. We will have to run through the downpour to get to the store. I open the door and step in a puddle that covers my sneaker. Yikes! We have no umbrellas in the car as they are still mixed in with the camping gear. We hurry towards the automatic doors and the covered walkway. By the time we reach the protection of the roof, we are drenched. More than drenched. Water streams down my face. My shirt sticks to me. My legs are plastered. It feels good. Cool. Clammy.

Inside, the dry air sucks the wetness from us and within minutes we are dry. Alas! By the time we have gathered our few supplies and head back to the car, the small storm has already passed, leaving behind scattered puddles here and there. A mere drop in the drought bucket. My grateful heart is thankful that there is water available and that however brief, it still rains here. The grass will blush green tonight, if only for a moment. How delightful.

Strangers At My Table

Hey, there are people at our picnic table! Drew peered out the living room window to where the table had been moved under the tree. Four young men. No one we have ever seen here before. What are they doing? From their apparel they have just been swimming. They chat and smoke and enjoy cool drinks. Who are they? Perhaps new residents of the complex. Maybe they even live in the other side of our building.

Our reaction can either be defensive (we don't want strangers using our stuff) or embracing (how delightful! new people to get to know). Sometimes its difficult to stay on the upside and not get territorial like Sugar. I do not push an introduction. When the opportunity presents itself, I will interact with the new comers. Like our new neighbor in the building across from ours.

I suspect this gentleman is having a bit of a bumpy time. We struck up a conversation the other day, and turns out he quit his job because of philosophical differences. He just didn't feel that the company was following upstanding business practices. But as I see him coming and going, I realize he doesn't have a job right now. He is alternately friendly and surly. I can understand how challenging it is to be unemployed. I need to figure out how to be supportive without offending.

Meanwhile, I encounter one last new table. Well, not new really. Just annual. We held our summer student picnic, gathering at a colleague's house and circling our lawn chairs in the back yard while the hamburgs were grilling. How nice to kick back and just chat. I think I surprised some of the students who were not used to seeing me in shades and a baseball hat. One of those jarring disconnects.

The purpose here is to NOT be strangers gathered around a table, but to get to know each other better beyond just working in the same place. We share stories and memories and jokes. We recount people, places and events that have shaped our lives. We linger around the fire, some roasting marsh mellows for s'mores. What a lovely evening. The weather was perfect, the food good, the people pleasant. Hard to tear ourselves away and return to our separate lives.

Wrong Place, Right Time

Today I had a follow-up ultrasound to check on the cyst on my left ovary. No problem. I have Wednesday mornings off because I work the late shift at the reference desk. I try to schedule all my errands and appointments on Wednesday mornings. Last time I had the ultrasound done, there was no opening at my doctor's location, so they scheduled me to be 'sounded' at their Pittsford office.

I just assumed today's appointment was at the same location. What was I thinking! I drove clear over to the east side of the city with my full bladder only to discover that I was supposed to be at the Gates office! Yikes! Fortunately for me, the people in the Pittsford facility totally took care of me and let me get my ultrasound there despite my goof. How generous and kind.

Turns out it was a good thing. My body is so twisted and disturbed from all the chemo, radiation and surgery, that it takes a special technique to get a clear picture of an ovary that is definitely not in the normal location and definitely does not want to cooperate. Since this woman had done my last one, she remembered what she had to do to capture the information necessary. She even had me pushing my side and rolling a bit on a slant to get the shot. Sometimes the good Lord watches over you despite your silliness.

Hopefully, the doctor will just call and say no change, and I can set that aside for awhile longer.

Bale-Full

All that beautiful golden wheat, mowed down in the prime of life, littered across the field like so much matting. In the morning on the way to work, a disaster. In the afternoon on the way home, dozens of gigantic round bales of hay, ready to be "put up" in barns to keep the cows and horses company through a long cold winter.

Bales so huge no one could lift them unassisted. Bales so perfect and round they almost look fake. They spread out across the field like so many checkers on a board, waiting for some unseen hand to move them about, to take empires and make kingdoms and defeat brawny enemies. Except of course that life is no game. Despite the beauty of it all, food is serious business. Just ask anyone who does not have enough to eat. They will tell you.

Today in the warmth of the sun they offer sustenance. Hurry, farmer. Gather them in before it rains and they rot or mold or melt away. Make your crop secure. But first, let me take a picture. Such security and promise!

Sugar the Ferocious

I open the door to take Sugar for her morning oblations, and there, big as life on the front lawn, stands a tall leggy doe. She is huge. She is so close to the porch I can see her soft eyes and the smoothness of her nose. Sugar growls. She does not bark, but the low rumble of her displeasure and concern echoes unabated. The doe is as startled as we are, but she does not bolt. She stands perfectly motionless, assessing the situation. Something has attracted her to our building, something she wants. I don't think any of the flowering bushes are the draw. Maybe the birdfeeder with its seeds and grains?

She turns away from the building, facing the woods, ready to run if she thinks she is in danger. Sugar continues her warning growl. The doe flicks an ear, then without warning, suddenly takes off - not towards the nearest woods but towards the drive and the woods on the other side of the road. Sugar dashes after the doe as far as the leash will allow. I hang on for dear life. For a few short seconds, time seems to suspend as I watch the two of them run at top speed across the yard towards safety for the doe. They are neck and neck, two blurs of fur and tan and white and hoof and tails.

The leash reaches its limit and Sugar stops, still growling. The doe disappears into the brush and is gone. What a way to begin a new week! Whew!

Home Again, Home Again Jiggity-Jog

I was surprised that Drew wanted to rise early to strike camp and get going before the hordes cluttered the roads. I tiptoed out of the tent several times before he opened his eyes and had much of the gear folded and ready to chuck into the trunk while he got going. It only took us an hour+ to pack. Nice. We were on the road well before the 11 am check out time. I am sad to leave on one hand, but so ready to be home on the other. I crave a long hot shower and a day of rest and recovery. I am delighted to discover that I am not stiff or sore though. I am definitely considering planning a few day trips.

Now that we have the GPS thing straightened out (we don't bother with it) the trip home took 40 minutes and soon we were unpacking the car and doing laundry. Drew, sweet boy, washed and vacuumed the car, then headed out to a friend's. I went to church online and was just quiet. I recall having devotions beneath the tall fragrant pines while the sunrise glinted through the forest and the rest of the camp ground struggled to rouse itself. There is something quite different about saying thanks to God surrounded by nature. I will remember that feeling for some time.

Even Drew commented on the grandeur of the gorge and the falls and how it puts your own little issues into perspective, how it makes you realize that the God who created such an amazing world is so immense that we cannot truly comprehend it all. You realize your own impotence, the power that exists in the natural world around you, the "on-beyond-you"-ness of the world. Hard to get that sense in the city.

But nice to be clean and comforted and just plain home. Sugar senses it too, and snuggles in her little bed, snoring peacefully.

Exploring

We began at the north Mt Morris end of the park and worked our way south, stopping at every overlook and designated spot on our park map. I haven't really done much with the north end of Letchworth, and it is true that most of the touristy stuff is at the south end. But the views are fantastic all along the stretch of its 14,000+ acres surrounding the Genesee River. Here and there we encountered gems of information about the Seneca Indians and Mary Jemison who was a white woman captured by them during the French and Indian war, rescued by white people and given a huge tract of land afterwards. She continued to live as the Indians taught her.

Sugar loved the whole getting out of the car to explore gig. We traipsed all over the grassy areas, saw a few deer, put quarters in all the binocular machines to get a closer view of the river so far below us, admired a convocation of eagles (we counted 8) - such majestic birds with huge wing spans floating effortlessly above the dam, were impressed by the stone tables and the miles of stone walls built during the depression to stimulate the economy, wandered across a little foot bridge, climbed stone staircases here and there and nearly stepped on a mid-sized snake!

By the time we had taken in half the park, we were tired and hungry, so we stopped at the lower falls restaurant (concession stand really) for a bite to eat and a bit to drink. It was nice to sit still for a bit, then we headed back to our campsite. Kiel and Andrea joined us for our exploration of the south end of the park. They were eager to explore the hiking paths, and I did walk a bit with them, but declined to navigate the steep section, preferring to sit on a bench with Sugar and rest.

I sat on a wooden bench by one of the three falls in the park, 107 foot drop, and watched people wandering past. Most of them sat or lay on the stone wall (I would be too scared of falling over) and had their pictures taken. None of them even saw the high train trestle bridging the falls over which a cargo train was slowly rumbling. One loose track and the whole thing would have plummeted to into the river. But with all the beauty and roaring of water and swatting of insects, no one paid the train any mind at all.

Finally, sweaty and tired, we made our way back to campsite where the boys finally got to build their fire and cook everything. We girls sat in the recliners and let them have at it. Roast corn, baked potatoes, Speedie chicken, hot dogs, hamburgs, carrots, and of course, S'mores for dessert. Even though I can't eat some of that, I found plenty to fill my tummy.

Funny, Drew didn't mind going to bed early for once, though we chatted for a bit after lights out. We could hear our neighbor's campfire crackling. It tossed orange and yellow lights on our tent wall as our conversation rose and died away. Even the god settled in and was soon snoring away. I think we tired her all out. Sweet. This has been an enjoyable day.

Off to Letchworth

This time Drew actually packed the car last night so that when I get out of work we can take off and not have to spin our wheels figuring out what to take and how to cram it all into my tiny Malibu! Since Roberts so generously lets us out at 3:30 on Fridays (nice bonus time), we should arrive in the daylight! Yeah!

Of course, that is never how it works in reality. I actually left work at noon since it was so quiet, thinking I could run a couple of necessary errands before taking off. Which I did, but then I was hungry, so took time to eat lunch. Then finally got around to packing my small overnight bag - I have learned the art of taking only the essentials - and tucked a few things in that Drew had not thought of. So we did manage to leave in the afternoon but no where as early as I had hoped. Still, we should be able to set up camp in the day light!

The fly in the ointment was the GPS. We calculated directions from the NY State Park website link and for reasons unbeknownst to me, it took us all the way to the south end of the park to an entrance labeled "Parade Ground." Total misnomer. The road kept getting worse and worse. I was pretty sure this was not the right thing, but there was some traffic - mostly pick 'em up trucks, so we kept going. At 2 miles an hour over potholes and no shoulders down to one lane. Yikes!

Finally, grace of God, we encountered a park ranger in his car and flagged him down. When we told him we were trying to locate the camp ground, he had all he could do to stifle his amazed laughter. I give him credit, he just smiled widely without commenting on the stupidity of the American public. He gave us good directions, then told us if the check-in station was closed by the time we got there to just go to the site anyway. Sigh. My heart was in my throat as Drew maneuvered to turn the car around on that tiny non-road with the huge drop off on one side and the ditch on the other. Then all the way back out the windy road at 2 mph until we got to the main road, then zip around the end of the park to another entrance. After that, a 12 mile drive up the main road through the park (actually an excellent road though the speed limit was 40) and at long long last, by 8 pm, we had reached our final destination!

We were met by a huge sign that if registration was closed you were not to enter the park. Fortunately, the office was open until 9. We registered. At least, I think we did. The girl behind the desk was on the phone chatting with a friend, picking at her garish green nail polish on her short stubby little nails and yes, chewing gum. Her hair stuck out at all kinds of odd angles. She just kept doing what she was doing and stuck her hand out for my paperwork. She clicked on the computer, jotted stuff on my registration, handed me the paperwork without ever looking me in the face and waved me through. Wow. Not exactly welcoming!

Still, we managed to locate our site, set up our tent and screen house and spray adequate amounts of insect repellent all before 10 pm! And then Drew's lack of dinner kicked in and we headed off to the nearest McDonald's for our evening meal since the idea of building a campfire and waiting for food to cook just wasn't cutting it. Again with the GPS thing. It could not figure out the Park deal, and took us all over Robinhood's forest trying to get us to a place not 6 miles down the road. We saw more countryside and nothingness than I have encountered in some long while. While that might have been enjoyable in the daylight, at night it was nothing short of scary.

I think I have had enough character building experiences for one day. I am exhausted and more than ready to fall into my camp cot and sleep. It only took me an hour of coughing and tossing to get there. Not bad. Sometimes I wonder what on earth possesses me to do these crazy things. But then, in the quiet of the tent, as my body was unwinding, I heard the soft call of owls, the rustle of the wind in the trees, saw the dull orange of a low hanging cloud shrouded moon watching over us through the screen mesh of the tent window, smelled the pine trees and heard twigs snapping as some critter meandered past. Yes, this is why. To be surrounded by the good earth God created, to draw near to all the primal elements I have missed of late, to remind myself that I am drawn from the earth and to it I shall return one day. It behooves me to get to know it better. I don't get this from my apartment no matter how much green space there is. Sigh. Perhaps it is worth all the hassle and distress in getting here. Perhaps I should do this more often.

The Hug

I was driving back to work after lunch, following a line of slow moving cars. They never observe the speed limit on Buffalo Road. Today, someone was turning left and there was no way around the vehicle. The oncoming traffic was never ending.

I glanced towards Rohrbachs Restaurant, idly watching two people saunter towards their car. They stopped, turned towards each other, and wordlessly embraced. Immediately I realized this was no normal "see you later" kind of hug. Nor was it wildly passionate. I could not tell whether the huggers were brother and sister, colleagues, friends, or lovers. Only that they stayed locked in their embrace for a long moment, he gazing upwards with closed eyes, his face filled with sadness; she with her face buried in his chest, chin tucked, hair covering her visage.

They stood there for what seemed an eternity, not moving, not speaking, not breathing. They story they told was one of inevitable yet unwilling parting for some undetermined length of time. It was as if neither one could bring themselves to pull away, to start the countdown. They just stood frozen in each others' arms.

And then, the car turned, traffic cleared up and I had to drive on, leaving the pathos behind yet somehow strangely affected by their pain.

Quiet Fourth

Other than hearing a few fireworks go off that scared Sugar until she shook, I barely realized that today was a holiday. I had wanted to take the morning to sort through the stuff in our storage closet downstairs, but Drew insisted on sleeping until noon. He still doesn't understand that I am best and most energy capable in the morning and that by 3 pm I am winding down, not gearing up. So I spend the morning doing all the house cleaning (since we will be away on the weekend) and then read for my upcoming paper.

By the time he was ready to tackle the storage closet, I was ready for a nap! We compromised. I lay down while he brought everything upstairs (rather than me going downstairs). I think he wanted to do that because we have air conditioning in our apartment, but the downstairs doesn't. Ah, to be young and not mind doing things the hard way.

I was surprised at how much clutter had accumulated down there while I wasn't looking. Odds and ends and bits and pieces. All goes in the garage sale pile. That was at least half the stuff down there. I decide to sell my huge Christmas village set that has served as a nativity for us for a long time. Besides having some chips and missing parts, it is huge and takes up the entire top of the entertainment center. It is also heavy. Now that I will be on my own, I have to downsize to things I can move on my own without assistance. Last year I traded down to a 4 foot Christmas tree because I can carry the box myself. Besides, the old one was getting a bit scrufty.

Drew is happy to see it go, but I wanted to give Kiel a chance to claim it if he were interested. Drew texts him. His response? Mom stop getting rid of stuff. By the time you move you'll be down to one bag and the dog! I look around the living room and laugh. There are at least 5 car loads of stuff just here. I highly doubt that I will be too slim. Really, I am still too hefty in stuff.

I could pare down to just the bare essentials, but even that would be a small van load of boxes and furniture. I am still plenty comfy and could afford to shed lots more, but don't yet feel the necessity. It's not like I am running a guest home and need to be able to offer amenities I wouldn't be using myself. Enough for today though. Drew clears away the clutter while the chicken is cooking for dinner. I can check one more thing off my list!

Drew's Job Interview

Last week we took Kiel to the Apple store in the Eastview mall. The place was packed! Not even standing room. People spilled out into the hall. Not because of any special sale, just because its a happening place. And the only one in the area! Kiel had to wait 45 minutes just to get to the counter. Meanwhile, Drew met a friend from high school who had graduated a year ago. They struck up a conversation and turns out Apple is hiring!

So Drew applied online as soon as he could get to a computer. He polished up his resume and wrote a cover letter and everything. Two days later, he got an email inviting him to an information session today. He got his hair cut, donned his dress slacks and a nice dress shirt and gave himself plenty of time to get there. He joined about 30 people who were all there for the information session. Drew said they divided into small groups and did some Q&A. He was surprised at how many of the candidates already had excellent jobs and lots of experience but were looking for part time additional income.

With that kind of competition he figured he didn't stand much of a chance, but the interviewers constantly said not to be discouraged if you don't get hired this time around. They all told how it took them about a year and numerous interviews to get hired. Seems like its a good company and their focus is on the customer. They are not fussing about the bottom line profit margin and no one works for commission there. In fact, they say that much of their business consists of people coming in to ask questions about how to do stuff with their technology. And they are glad to teach people even though that does not bring initial revenue. Smart! Good for them.

They said people would hear by the end of the same day, but poor Drew did not get an email for an interview. He is a bit frustrated that he has applied for jobs just about everywhere and not gotten a nibble even though he has gone back. My friends tell me their teenagers are all having the same problem. Too many experienced adults snapping up the part time jobs for secondary income. Wow. We are in a tight economy. Or else we are just tremendously financially strapped.

Broken Bed

The frame of the bed I sleep in is one I bought from a neighbor back in 2006 in Connecticut. It's OK, but has never really held together well. I had decided with this move to keep my eyes open for a bed frame I really like, and maybe even a complete bedroom set. No more cast offs and second hand stuff for a change.

I have already looked in the Amish furniture store, but didn't see anything that caught my attention. Perhaps I should ask to look in their catalog. Meanwhile, as I wander about and encounter furniture stores, I take a minute to look. So far, I have not seen anything I like. It's all so heavy and dark.

Maybe it would help if I could define what I like! I will take some time to look online to see what is appealing. Of course, it will require vigilant watching to find whatever style I end up liking in a sale price I can afford (can you get a bed for $20?). I have a wonderful mattress set that my sister gave me - a comfy and expensive set she decided to gift me with. What a blessing. So its not like I need the whole shooting match, just the headboard, footboard and rails.

Whilst all this was percolating in my head, the darn bedframe I have broke and my mattresses are now resting solidly on the floor. I am thinking I will not bother to bring this frame, even though it is fixable, to the new place, but just keep the mattress on the floor until I find what I want. That works for me. When I lived in Illinois, I had my mattress on the floor and enjoyed being down there. For one thing it helped my flexibility and for another, it makes you feel humble as if you are a lowly monk or something.

Enough silliness for now. We shall see what happens. Its all kind of exciting!

Vivid Dreams

Bumper Crop! A dream an hour all night long and so real. I don't remember eating anything that would make me dream such realistic dreams. With every waking, it was as if I simply stepped from one room where everything and everyone was real, to my bedroom which seemed unreal. How strange that every dream was completely different from the one before, yet all of them were completely believable.

Well, except for maybe the one where my Mom was driving a station wagon. She was young and quite competent (driving was not something she enjoyed in reality) and seemed to know just where we ought to go without the help of any map. Of course, I had no idea why I was there or where we were going, but I was perfectly content with it all. There were others in the car, people who belonged and people who might not have been in a car my Mom was driving. I think I knew most of them, but my focus was on Mom and I didn't really pay much attention to the other riders.

I know after someone dies, its fairly common for them to appear in your dreams - a sort of processing mechanism. I was sitting in the back seat and so happy to see Mom young and competent and happy. She was much freer than ever I had known her to be and not doing something for someone else, but taking this trip because she wanted to. Perhaps she invited those of us in the car to come along! I am delighted to be included.

As for the other dreams, I have no explanation except that perhaps I was just blessed. At least, despite all the waking, I woke refreshed as if I had slept thoroughly and deeply. Wonders never cease.